Funny Money Jokes and Rich People Humor

Two old friends, successful businessmen, met by chance at a reception.
- Hi, how are you?
- Yes, frankly, not really well. The fact is that my company burned to the ground, and now I have taken a vacation. I am thinking of going to France on account of the insurance that is worth a $100,000.
- Wow, what a coincidence. But my business was destroyed during the flood, and I received almost a million in insurance.
After a moment's silence, the second leaned over to the first and said:
- Listen, how did you arrange the flood.

The plumber is fixing the toilet at the professor's house. He worked for half an hour, fixed everything and says:
- The work comes to a hundred dollars.
The professor begins to be indignant:
- I am a professor, a member of the Academy of Sciences - and even then I don't get a hundred dollars for half an hour!
The plumber replies:
- This is normal. When I was a professor, I didn't get that much either.

Conversation with collectors:
- If you do not return the money to the bank, then first we will kill your dog, and then we will break your parents' legs!
- But I don't have a dog and I'm an orphan.
- So, we will find you a foster family and give you a puppy!

A journalist interviews a billionaire:
- Tell me, what helped you achieve success?
- The belief that money in itself does not play any role. Only work matters.
- And it helped you get rich?
- No, I got rich when I managed to convince my subordinates of this.

The gypsy woman reads the guy's hand:
- Dear, you need to be patient. Until the age of thirty, you will suffer greatly from lack of money.
- And then, after thirty?
- After thirty - you get used to it ...

The spouses agreed that the wife would record all expenses. A week later, she shows her husband her notebook with notes:
- Canary food - $ 5.
- Bones for a dog - $ 7.
- Miscellaneous - $876.

At home, the wife asks her husband:
- You say that your boss was in a good mood when you asked him to increase your salary. Why do you say that?
- He almost died laughing!

A father says to his daughter who is about to get married:
- Your fiancé, I see, really loves you.
- You think so?
- The fact is that three months ago he borrowed a thousand dollars from me, but still continues to come to us.

If a monkey collected and hid more bananas than it could eat while its flock was dying of hunger, scientists would study its brain for pathology.
When some people do a similar thing, they get on the cover of Forbes magazine.

Two friends are talking:
My mortgage was denied due to low income, and child support due to high income. Middle class, bitch.