Jokes About Women – Funny Women Humor

If you say to a man: "You are as stupid as George!" He asks why is he a fool?
If you say to a woman: "You are as stupid as Emma!" She will be indignant: Why is it, me like Emma?!"

Adam asks God:
- Lord, why did you make Eve so beautiful?
- So that you like her, my son.
- God, but why did you make her so stupid?
- And this is to make her like you!

In court, the judge asks a female witness:
- How old are you?
- I have to count. When I got married, I was 20 years old, and my husband was 40, that is, I was 2 times younger than him. Now he is 70, so I am 35 years old.

Two friends chat:
Ellen:
- So you like his attention? So why don't you marry him then?
Betty:
- Because I love his attention!

Betty married for the fifth time, now to a construction worker. Before that, her husbands were a lawyer, a businessman, a champion football player and a polo player.
- You know how pleased I am! - she shares with a friend. - That's the man! From now on, I will only marry construction workers!

- My wife is terribly afraid of robbers, - Morris tells his friends. - Therefore, she often woke me up at night when she heard even the slightest rustle. All this continued until I explained to her that skillful thieves always act quietly and carefully.
- So you sleep well now?
- I wish, she now began to wake me up as soon as there is complete silence in the house.

After the examination, the doctor says to the female patient:
- You are perfectly healthy. I would only recommend that you spend more time outdoors and dress warmer in winter.
At home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.
- He recommended me a seaside vacation in summer, and a mink coat in winter.

Frau Anderson, with an extremely anxious, pale face, enters her husband's office, holding a medical directory in her hands.
- Well, what did I say! I knew very well that I was sick. And now I know what my disease is. Listen: "In the initial stage, this disease does not manifest itself in any way, and the patient can feel completely healthy ..." - You see? Everything exactly the same as my case!

The lady tells her friend:
- To lose weight, the doctor prescribed me a daily horseback ride.
- Well, how are the results already?
- Oh yeah! The horse has already lost weight.

Two friends talk about their wives:
- Does your wife talk a lot?
- Yes, when we were on vacation, she even got a tan on her tongue!