Best funny jokes about Sherlock Holmes and his companion Dr. Watson:
- Watson, what are you smoking? Let me guess - "Queen Virginia" tobacco with cherry leaves, from the anniversary issue in velvet packaging?
- Amazing, Holmes! How did you guess?
- By God, Watson! It couldn't be Mrs. Hudson who stole the last pack from my room!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are flying in a balloon.
They flew into the clouds and lost orientation. Landed in an unknown area. They see a man walking by. Sherlock Holmes:
- Sir, can you tell us where we are?
The man thought for a long time and answered:
- In a balloon basket, sir.
- You see, Watson - before you is a typical example of a programmer.
- Why did you decide so, Holmes?
- Well, firstly, he thought for a very long time over a simple question, secondly, he answered _ABSOLUTELY_ correctly, and thirdly, his answer is of no use to us.
A visitor came to Sherlock Holmes in a shabby suit, a rumpled top hat and a shirt with frayed cuffs and began to ask for help, but Holmes refused him. When the visitor left, Watson attacked the detective:
- You never refused to help the poor!
- Yes, but he was not poor! He had 123 pounds and 15 pence in his wallet.
- How do you know?
- Well, let's count together again...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson set off to hike. Night finds them in the forest. Putting up a tent, the travelers went to bed. At night, both wake up, Holmes asks Watson:
- What do the stars above us tell you?
- They tell me that the weather will be fine tomorrow, and you?
- And they tell me that our tent was stolen.
- Sherlock Holmes, with your talents you could have put all London criminals behind prison bars a long time ago. Why haven't you done this yet?
- Elementary Watson! If I do, then who will I buy opium for my pipe?
Watson, I'm sure that in the morning you were in a hurry and now you are wearing striped shorts!
- Yes, Holmes, but, damn it, how did you guess that?
- Elementary Watson, you forgot to put on your trousers!
Watson asks Sherlock Holmes:
- Did you really see the Hound of the Baskervilles?
To which Holmes handed his pipe to Watson and said:
- Try it, Watson, you will see things even weirder than that!
- What is that awful howl, Holmes, the Hound of the Baskervilles?
- No, it's Sir Henry being fed oatmeal!
- Tell me, Holmes, how to solve a crime?
- Find who benefits from it!
- What if everyone benefits?
- Then it's not like it's a crime!
Watson comes home on Baker Street. Sitting in an armchair, Holmes says to him:
- Watson, I still don't understand how, with all your integrity, you could get into a fight on Park Lane?
- But damn it, Holmes, how did you know about it?
- Elementary. You have the mark of my boot on your forehead.