Lawyer and Court Jokes – Funny Legal Humor

At court:
- I'm sorry, Mr. Judge, I really was on my knees on the highway, but this does not at all prove that I was drunk!
- And how do you explain that you tried to roll up and put a white dividing strip into the car?

Hell and paradise are located side by side and separated by a high fence. Over time, the fence fell into disrepair, holes appeared and the paradise began to smell of sulfur.
The inhabitants of paradise began to complain about their neighbors. The case went to court. And what do you think, who won? That's right, the inhabitants of hell, because they have all the best lawyers!

At the court:
- Defendant, the witness complains that you call him names.
- Yes, you listen to him more, this ram will say such a thing.

A husband went to a lawyer.
- I want to divorce my wife.
- And what happened?
- She goes to restaurants and pubs every day.
- Really such a drunk?!
- No, she's looking for me.

A man walks on crutches. To meet him is his friend.
- What happened to you?
- Car accident!
- Terrible! Can't you walk without crutches now?
- I do not know. The doctor says I can, but the lawyer - I cannot!

Court. A woman is accused of killing her husband.
- So you put poison in the soup and served your husband? How did it happen?
- He sat down at the table and ate quietly.
- And you didn't feel any remorse?
- Yes I did! When he asked for more.

At court, the judge asks a woman:
- Your first four husbands were poisoned by mushrooms, the fifth fell down the stairs. How do you explain this?
- The fifth didn't like mushrooms.

A local lawyer's dog runs into the butcher's shop, grabs a piece of beef and runs away with it. An angry butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks him:
- Tell me, please, here, for example, a dog ran into shop and stole a piece of meat from me. Can I demand the cost of meat from her owner in this case?
- Oh sure.
- So, your dog just ran into my shop and stole a 2 kg piece of excellent beef tenderloin from me. So please pay 20 dollars.
The lawyer, without saying a word, takes out $20 and gives them to the butcher...
...A week later, the butcher receives a bill for 200 dollars in the mail for legal advice.

The lawyer indignantly says to the judge:
- Last time you condemned this man for committing theft in broad daylight. This time for the fact that he insidiously deceived people by burgling them at night. The question is: when do you suggest my clients can steal?

The lawyer's speech at the trial:
- Gentlemen of the judge. The defendant, whom I defend, honestly told about all the methods that he used in thefts. Honesty is a very rare quality these days. Therefore, I think everyone will agree with me that a person endowed with such qualities cannot commit theft.