Best miscellaneous jokes:
A guy and a girl after a spending a night of making love ... The guy is about to leave, and suddenly, near the exit, he sees a photograph of a man ...
- Honey, who is he?
- Let's not talk about it...
- I love you so much, trust me, I will understand everything ...
- Well, it's me in the past!
The plane crashes. Only one stewardess remains alive, having jumped with a parachute. She landed on a desert island. Tired from everything she experienced, she falls asleep. She wakes up - a man is sitting next to her, frying meat.
- Who are you? Where did it come from?
- Yes, I am a criminal. I was left alone on this island 15 years ago, they thought I would die. And I, managed to survive, indulge in meat.
- Oh, and I would eat!
- And what will you give in exchange for meat?
- Well, I can give you that you haven't tried it for 15 years!
The man jumps up, rushes to hug her
- My dear! You are my desire! Have you brought booze?!
A man is walking with a book in his hands. And suddenly he meets his friend. He says to him:
- And what is that book in your hands?
- It's called logic.
- What is logic?
- Well, look: do you have an aquarium at home?
- Well, I do!
- So the fish live in it.
- Well, they live!
- So there is water there.
- Well, there is!
- So you have children who play with these fish.
- Well, there are children.
- If you have children, then you have a wife.
- If you have a wife and children, then you slept with her!
- Well, of course!
- So you're not gay! That's the logic!
- I'm going to buy that book for myself, too!
A man went and bought himself the same book. He goes home and meets her neighbor. He asks him:
- What is your book?
- It's called logic.
- What is logic?
- Well, look: Do you have an aquarium at home?
- No, no.
- Well, then you're a gay!
A man ended up on a desert island. And that man was really used to spending time with women. But there were no living creatures on the island except for camels. Time goes by and there is nothing to do, he start to think about making out with a camel ... But the trouble is, he pulls the camel by the ears on its knees, runs to behind the camel gets up and leaves. Then, quite by chance, a plane crashes over the island, and a completely naked pretty girl falls out of it. The man catches her, saves her life. The girl says in gratitude:
- My saviour. Ask me for anything, I will do it..
- Hold the camel, please.
A young girl enters the minibus. There is nowhere to sit. Then the boy offers her jokingly to sit on his knees. Well, the girl, without thinking twice, sat down. The boy blushed, and twitched.
And she says to him:
- What's in your pants pressing on my ass?
Boy, without thinking for a long time:
- A lighter.
Here the old man abruptly intervenes in the conversation and says:
- Sit down on my knees, I've been... not smoking for a long time.
A man comes to a neighbor. And on that table there are little men running around playing tennis on a 25-centimeter field.
The man asks:
- Where does such a miracle come from?
- Yes, I caught a goldfish. She fulfills wishes.
- Can I try it too?
- Just try to keep in mind - she is a little deaf.
A man came to the river standing with a fishing rod catching a goldfish. CATCHED!!!
And the fish to him in a human voice:
- Do not kill me, I will fulfill any desire, but only one...
- Okay, I want a million bucks!
And then faxes rained down on him from the sky, almost killing him. He runs to the first man:
- This fish is just nuts! I asked for a million bucks? And it heaped me with faxes. I barely remained alive.
- I told you she's deaf. Do you think I really asked her for 25 cm TENNIS?
Europe. A 12-year-old boy comes to the store, takes 2 cases of beer and goes to the checkout.
- You're kind of small. Show your passport!
The kid takes out of the pocket of the technical documents for refrigerator, gives it to the cashier, the cashier looks at "Date of manufacture 1980."
The cashier counts the money and gives the beer to the kid. The store manager, seeing all this, approaches the cashier and asks:
- What was that just now, why did you sell him beer?
- He was born in 1980.
- Do you really think he was a refrigerator?
- I am not good at this modern gender theory of yours ..
At the film festival:
- Oh, young man, what is your film about?
- My movie is about love...
- Women to a woman?
- Men to a man?
- Young man to the chicken?
- NO!!! Man to woman!
- Ah, my friend, so you are a documentary filmmaker.
Two diggers were digging a hole in the sun. Suddenly one of them stopped and said:
- Listen, Bob, I was thinking: why are we digging a hole in the sun, and the boss stands in the shade under a tree and does nothing?
- I don't know, Michael, - replied the second. - But I'll ask him now.
He climbed out of the hole and approached the boss.
- Listen, boss. Michael and I had a question: why are we digging a hole in the sun, and you stand in the shade under a tree and do nothing?
- Because of intelligence, - the boss replied.
- What does "intelligence" mean? - Bob didn't understand.
- Now I'll explain, - the boss put his hand on the tree. - Hit me with your fist on the arm with all your might.
Bob swung heartily, but at the last second the boss withdrew his hand, and the blow fell on the tree.
- That's 'intelligence', - the boss said.
- Understood, - Bob replied.
He returned to Michael.
- What did the boss say? - he asked.
- The boss said: "Because of intelligence."
- What does "intelligence" mean? - Michael didn't understand.
- Now I'll explain. - Bob put his hand on his face. - Michael, take a shovel and hit me on the arm with all your might.
The bus pulls away from the bus stop, an aged man runs after the bus for a long time, waving his arms, then the driver took pity, stops and opens the back door. The man jumps onto the back platform. Suddenly from the dust raised by the bus, he sneezes sharply and farts loudly in surprise. He becomes embarrassed, he jumps out of the bus.
Voice from the front platform: - And for THIS we were waiting for him?