Doctor Jokes – Funny Medical Humor

At the doctor's office:
- Thank you very much, doctor. You saved my life. Unfortunately, I cannot pay you, but I will definitely make sure to mention you in my will.
- Excellent, Signor Melloni. I almost forgot, give me for one minute that prescription that I wrote for you ...

The doctor asks the patient:
- Tell me, honestly, do you have AIDS?
And the patient thinks: "I'll say no, he'll think that I am greedy. if I say I do, he'll start asking to give some".
So he responds:
- Yes, but only very, very little...

The doctor examines the patient's chest:
- Breathe! Don't breathe! Breathe! Don't breathe! Don't breathe! Don't breathe!.. Take him out! Next!

- Everything will be fine, - the doctor says to the patient, - only you need to be in the fresh air more, at least an hour a day. And in general, walk every day, regardless of the weather.
- When is it better for me to walk? - the patient asks. - Before I deliver the mail, or after?

- At the symposium, one professor asked his colleague:
- Does it happen to you that you are treating for one disease, and a post-mortem autopsy shows a completely different disease?
- Of course not. At our place, our patients die from desease we treat them for.

Doctor tell a patient:
- Your illness is very complicated, and I can't even finally decide what you have ...
A patient:
- What do we do, doctor?
Doctor:
- Well, yes, however, I'll try to amputate one of your legs first ...

- Doctor, I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about a thousand things at once!
- In this case, I recommend that you drink a spoon of castor oil before going to bed.
- And what, I'll fall asleep right away?
- No, of course not, but you'll only think of one thing.

One man approaches another, who lost in poker big time:
- Do not be upset: no luck in cards means luck in love.
- Yes! Yesterday, with these same words, only in reverse order, my doctor reassured me, having diagnosed me with "impotence".

- Doctor, I always see flickering dots before my eyes, - the patient complains to the ophthalmologist.
The doctor prescribed glasses. A few days later, the patient comes back.
- Do you feel better? - the doctor asks.
- Of course, now I can see the flickering dots much more clearly.

A patient calls the doctor at three in the morning. After the examination, the doctor thinks, then says:
- Did you make a will?
- No, doctor.
- So call, please, the notary and two witnesses.
- My God, is it that serious?
- No, but I wouldn't want to be the only fool you woke up at three in the morning.