School Jokes

At the history lesson. The teacher asks the student:
- Daniel, who took Gettysburg?
Daniel (frightened):
- Honestly, I didn't! Ask Peter if he took it. The teacher indignantly tells the principal about this conversation.
The principal reassures her:
- Well, what are you worried about. These are children: they will play and give back.
The teacher goes to the director and retells him a conversation with the head teacher. Director (busily):
- What class was it?
- 5th "B".
- No, they won't give it back!

A young female teacher comes into the classroom and gets to know the students. One shy boy refuses to give his last name.
- I won't tell you - you will laugh.
- Well, at least give me a hint in my ear about what it is, and I'll try to guess.
The boy whispers to the teacher:
- Well ... it's what you take into your mouth every day.
- What, Dickson, or what? - whispers the teacher.
- No, - Spooner... "

A school teacher says to a colleague:
- No, it became absolutely impossible to work. The teacher is afraid of the principal. Principal is afraid of Inspector. Inspector is afraid of inspectors from the ministry. Minister is afraid of parents. Parents are afraid of children.
And only children are not afraid of anyone ...

At school, the teacher scolds the kid:
- It's a very bad word. Where did you hear it?
My dad says so.
- Don't you dare repeat it. You don't even know its meaning.
- I know. This means that the car will not start again.

The teacher at the lesson:
- What are the most useful birds for humans?
Bart answers:
- Fried, Mrs. Brown.

Mom wakes up Bart:
Bart, get up, it's time for school!
- I don't want to go today! Again Jones will fight during recess.
- Bart, it's time.
- Will not go! Again Harris will throw a blackboard cloth in my face.
- Bart, you'll be late!
- No, I will not go! Again Robinson will shoot from a slingshot.
- Bart, but you have to go, you're the school director!

A mathematics teacher, looking into a student's notebook, was shocked by intricate calculations:
- One of us has gone mad, Williams!
The next day, Williams puts an envelope on the teacher's desk.
- What's in it? - the teacher asks.
- Certificate from the school doctor that I'm not mad.

The teacher gave the class a topic for an essay "What would I do if I got a million dollars?"
After half an hour, one kid got up and approached her, holding two sheets of paper with some calculations in his hands.
- Excuse me, Mrs. Thompson, - he said, - but can you add $100 000 more?

The teacher brought a sculpture of a naked woman to a drawing lesson.
- Mary, tell me, what do you like most about this sculpture?
- Shoulders. Head...
- Well done, sit down. What about you, Peter?
- Boobs!
- Get out of class!
- And you, Bart, what do you like the most?
- I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

Primary school teacher teaches children imagination and original thinking.
Teacher: - Children, think about what it could be: gray by the road?
Children: - Concrete wall.
Teacher: - Correct. But it could also be a donkey. And what is big and brown in the field?
- Cow.
- Correct. But it could also be a stack of old hay...
Bart (from the back of the desk):
- Or a pile of dung!
Teacher:
- Always you, Bart, talking all sorts of nonsense!
Bart :
- May I ask you too?
Teacher (with apprehension):
- OK, try...
- What could it be - when you put it in, it is hard, dry and straight, and when you take it out - soft, wet and saggy? The teacher, blushing, quickly crosses the classroom and gives Bart a resounding slap in the face. Tommy (rubbing his cheek):
- Correct. But it can also be chewing gum!