Kids Jokes – Funny Humor About Kids

Kindergarten teacher asks:
- Guys, name some very mean animal.
Children:
- Wolf ... tiger ... lion ... leopard ...
Bart:
- Crocolion.
- Bart, is there such an animal? - the teacher asks - What does it look like?
- This is such a beast, - replies Little Bart, - which has a lion's head on one side, and a crocodile's head on the other.
- That can't be, - the teacher says. If he has a head on each side, he won't be able to poop.
- That's why it is so mean.

Aunt, eat this candy.
- Thank you, darling.
- Delicious?
- Very.
- It's strange why then both the dog and the cat spit it out all the time.

Little boy asks his dad:
- Daddy, did your grandfather beat you when you were little?
- Well, of course.
- And did your grandfather's dad beat him when he was little?
- Of course.
- And with your help, could we put an end to this hereditary sadism?

Mother says to six-year-old son:
- Again you fell into a puddle in new pants!
- Mommy, I fell so fast that I didn't have time to take them off.

Mother decided to punish Bart: if he is late for dinner, he has no right to say a word at the table.
Dick was late again.
- Listen, mom...
- Not a word, Bart!
- But mom...
- Once again I say: not a word!
After the dinner the mother asked Bart what he wanted to say.
- Ah, nothing! I just wanted to say that my little brother is in the room pouring condensed milk into all of dad's socks.

The wife sent her husband to take a walk with the child. After a while, the cry of the baby is heard from the street.
- What happens to the child? - mother asks from the window.
- I don't know what to do, dear, but he dug a hole in the sand and now he wants me to take it home.

Little Robert puts on rubber boots. Mom says to him:
- Robert, it's dry outside, there's no mud or puddles.
- Don't worry, mommy. I'll find them, - he replies cheerfully.

Little Johnnie does not want to sleep. His father sits down by his bed and begins to tell him stories. He tells him stories for an hour, for two hours. Finally, silence reigns in the room. Mother quietly opens the door and asks:
- Did he fell asleep?
- Yes, mother, - the son replies in a whisper.

Little Peter's parents went to bed, and Peter eavesdrops at the door.
- Darling, I would like a girl, - mother says.
- All right, you'll have a girl.
Peter bursting into the room:
- And for me - a saber, Lego set, and a bicycle.

Little David asks his dad:
- Dad, can a six-year-old girl get pregnant?
- No, definitely not.
- Oooh, blackmailer!