Pregnancy and Birth Jokes

The husband decided to be present at the birth. The wife began to give birth, he fainted, they got him back to senses! He fainted a couple more times. Finally he came to himself . They say to him:
- Congratulations! You have become a dad!
- Who was born?
- Daughter!
- Well, thank God! At least she won't suffer the way I just did!

In the maternity hospital:
Congratulations, you have twins!
- Oh, what a coincidence: I am the owner of the "Two Eagles" firm!
To the second father:
- And you have triplets!
- Oh, and again a coincidence: I am the owner of the company "Three Nuts".
The third father turned noticeably pale, the nurse to him:
- You feel bad?
- I am the owner of the company "Seven Dwarfs" ...

In the maternity hospital. The wife is giving birth, the husband is waiting near the ward. Suddenly a joyful nurse comes out:
- You have a boy!
Half a minute later he runs out again:
- Oh, you have a girl too!
Two minutes later he runs out again:
- You have another boy and a girl!
There is a cry from the obstetrician from the ward:
- Light! Turn off the light! They're crawling to the light!

The wife gives birth to a red-haired child and begs the obstetrician to come up with something, since there were no redheads in the family ...
The doctor calls the husband and asks:
- How often do you have sex with your wife?
- Well, once every 2 months...
Doctor:
- Well, look what you've done with your rusty dick!

This is a call from the maternity hospital. Please tell Mr. Smith that he has had triplets - girls.
- Oh, not now. He shaves.

In the maternity hospital, a nurse brings two babies to a waiting young father.
- Doesn't it scare you that there are more than one of them? she asks.
- No, what are you! - he answers confusedly.
- Very well! You hold these, and I'll run for the rest."

In the clinic, a nurse asks a friend from the maternity ward:
- Who is it there cries so loud? Is it the four that were born this morning?
- No, - her friend answers, - this is their father ...

Newspaper note:
"Mrs. Ruth Smith gave birth to five girls at 7:00 am this morning at the local St. Patrick's Hospital. The doctors hope that they will be able to save the life of Mr. Smith."

The husband brought his wife to the maternity hospital, they took her to the ward, and they told him:
- When the contractions start, we will call you ...
- What, is that all?
- What else did you want?
- What do you mean "what"? When I put a car for service, they give me another one for the time of repair.

A rural paramedic came to a remote farm to take delivery. Closing himself in the room with the woman in labor, he left her husband to wait in the kitchen. Soon the door opens, and the paramedic leans out:
- Husband, are there any pliers? Bring them here.
The husband gives the pliers and begins to quietly worry when the paramedic reappears three minutes later:
- Now a screwdriver, quickly!
Taking a screwdriver, he disappears. Hearing from behind the door how the wife moans, and the paramedic swears, the husband is covered with sweat. Again, the unlucky obstetrician flies into the kitchen:
- No, it's not that. Maybe a hammer and chisel?
- What, such a difficult birth? - the husband asks in a trembling voice, already ready to collapse into a faint.
- No, it's just that my tool case got jammed.