Psychiatrist Jokes – Funny Mental Health Humor

Thank you, doctor, for curing me of megalomania. Now I am a man of absolutely unsurpassed, fantastic, one might say, phenomenal modesty.

- "It's very good that you stopped by," - says the psychiatrist. - "Well, how is your wife's condition? Did she manage to recover from kleptomania thanks to my advice?"
- "Not yet," - the husband replies, - "but her behavior has become much better. Now she brings things we can use around the house."

In the "nuthouse" the patient tried to drown himself in the bath. Another pulled him out in time.
The doctor says to the savior:
- Your act indicates that you are healthy. Tomorrow I will send you home. Unfortunately, the guy you saved still committed suicide - he hanged himself.
- You are mistaken, doctor, - the patient says, smiling. - There was no suicide - I just hung this guy to dry.

In a mental hospital. A man runs with a bloodied ax. A doctor approaches him.
- What are you up to?
- There will be so much laughter when David wakes up, and his head is in the bedside table.

The loser comes to the psychiatrist:
- Doctor, things have started to improve for me! Today I dropped a sandwich and it fell butter side up!
The doctor takes a sandwich from the patient's hands, studies it for a long time and says:
- No, my friend, you just smeared it on the wrong side.

"Businessman to a psychiatrist:
- Doctor, remember last summer you advised: to get distracted from work, I need to have fun with girls?
- Yes.
- So advise how I can now take my mind off the girls and get back to work!

The psychiatrist speaks to the patient:
- So you're saying that you came to me because your relatives are worried about your love of woolen socks?
- Yes that's right.
- But it's completely normal. Many people prefer wool socks over nylon ones. I also love wool socks.
- Are you saying the truth? How do you love them? With oil and vinegar or just with lemon?

A woman complains to a psychiatrist:
"My husband is acting very strange. After drinking coffee, he eats a porcelain cup, leaving only the handle."
"It's really strange, indeed" - the doctor says, - "because the handle is the tastiest part."

At the appointment with a psychotherapist:
Doctor, everyone is ignoring me.
- Next!

A pilot, a stewardess and a group of mentally ill people are flying in an airplane. The stewardess brought everyone a bottle of Coca-Cola. Five minutes later she comes back, sees that there is no one, only one sobbing psycho.
- Where did everyone go? she asks.
- Everyone left to hand over the bottles for recycling, and mine has a broken bottleneck!