Sexologist Jokes

A man comes to the doctor and complains:
- Doctor! Help, please, I can't get erection!
The doctor looked, shook his head and said:
- Will have to be amputated.
The man jumped up, yelled at him and went to another doctor, and there the same thing. He was already completely desperate, but a friend advised him to turn to a healer. He comes to a remote village, sees the hut all skewed. He comes in, and there is an old woman sitting there. He tells her:
- Hello. You see, I have a problem with erection. I ran around all the doctors, and they say - it is necessary to amputate.
- I know, I know these doctors, always they need to amputate something. Come on, stand on a stool, now jump off. Well, you see, it fell off itself!

A patient comes to the urologist. He takes out his dick and puts it on the table.
Doctor:
- Hurts?
- No.
- Small?
- No!
- Too big?
- No!!!!
- So what then?
- It is really good, isn't it?

The couple came to see a sex therapist.
- Doctor, we have been married for 8 years, but there are still no children .. Please help.
The doctor says to the guy's wife:
- You wait outside the door, please, I need to talk to your husband.
- Listen, my friend, how do you make love with your wife? Probably as usual - twice a week, Wednesday and Friday? Everything is as usual, everything is the old fashioned way, I'll tell you, man, this is what I'll tell you: your relationship lacks the element of surprise, sex should be spontaneous, unexpected! Understood?
- Yes, doctor, I understand, now it's clear, I'll do it ..
The same couple comes a year later with flowers, champagne, a toddler in a stroller.
Doctor asks the husband
- Well, tell me, how did you do it, how was it? With an element of surprise?
- Yes, doctor, my wife leaned into the refrigerator to get yogurt, well, at that time I jumped up from behind and stuck it in!
- Well, how is she??? Bet she did not expect it???
- Not her alone! The whole supermarket was freaking out!!!!

- Doctor, I have been married for three years, - the young lady explains to the doctor. - And I would like to know what I should do in order to have a child.
- Take off your clothes, madam, and lie down on the couch in the next room.
- Oh, doctor! But I would rather have a child from my husband!

At the doctor:
- Listen, doctor, I'm already 80 years old, and I'm still running after girls!
- So it's great!
- Yeah, but I don't remember why.

A pensioner at the doctor's office complains of a decrease in potency.
Doctor:
- And how old are you?
A patient:
- 72. But I have a friend, he is 74, and so he says he has sex 3 times a week!
Doctor:
- And you. And you say.

A woman comes to the gynecologist and says:
- You see, doctor, I'm almost 30 years old, and my pubic hair is still not growing.
The doctor is surprised and asks:
- Strange, but how many times a day do you have sex?
- Well, it differs, sometimes 20, sometimes 30 ...
The doctor responds:
- Miss, have you ever seen grass growing on the highway? ..

The man tells the doctor:
- We have been living with my wife for twenty years, but no children. Whatever they did - nothing helps.
- But I advised your wife to go for treatment to a well-known resort, - says the doctor.
- Yes, we were there for two whole months ...
- But I didn't send YOU there!

- Doctor, I can't cum. I have sex with my wife for hours until I lose my strength, but there is no orgasm. Help!
- Let's help, it's easy.. And why are you so scared? Looking around all the time?..
- The wife said: You go to the doctor, I'll kill you!

- What birth control pills would you recommend for me? - the girl asks the pharmacist.
- These ones. My wife takes them regularly.
- Can I meet your wife to ask her some questions?
- Of course, but not for long. With our fifteen kids, she doesn't have much time to chat.