Programmer Jokes

A programmer is sitting in the dining room at the office, having lunch, eating soup. He is so thoughtful in glasses, he thinks about the program. There are no people, everyone has already eaten and left. The waitress comes up to him and flirts:
- If you want to have a good time, then my name is Kathy!
The programmer slowly returns from his thoughts and looks at the waitress with a detached look and on autopilot asks:
- And if I don't, what's your name?
- And if you don't want to, then I'm not called in any way!
- Ah... Exactly! I need to reset the variable!

A conversation between two computer geeks on a bus.
- Something is with my PC often stops and hangs.
The space around them has increased.
- Did you check it for viruses?
The space around them increased even more.
- Checked, everything clean.
The crowd moved further.
- And your mother did not grunt.
The bus was almost empty.
- Yes, she's still alive.
- Does it hang solid?
- Yeah, can't lift it with three fingers.

The programmer is sitting deep in debugging. His son comes up:
- Dad, why does the sun rise every day in the east and set in the west?
- Did you check it?
- Checked.
- Did you check well?
- Yes, well.
- Works?
- Works.
- Does it work every day?
- Yes, every day.
- Then for God's sake, son, don't touch anything, don't change anything.

Once a doctor, a civil engineer, and a programmer argued about whose profession is more ancient. The doctor remarked:
- The Bible says that God created Eve from Adam's rib. Such an operation can only be performed by a surgeon, so I can rightly say that my profession is the oldest in the world.
Here the civil engineer intervened and said:
- But even earlier, God created the heavens and the earth out of chaos. This is the first, and undoubtedly the most outstanding application of structural engineering. Therefore, dear doctor, you are wrong. My profession is the oldest in the world.
At these words, the programmer leaned back in his chair, smiled mysteriously and said weightily:
- Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?

It's hard to be a programmer. You come to visit people to relax, to chat, have drinks...
... and they immediately show you their home computer and ask you to deal with its problems...
...
I can imagine what it's like for proctologists.

One programmer - to another:
- Just imagine: you have 1000 dollars...
Or, for a round account, let you have 1024 ...

The wife says to the programmer:
- Go to the store, buy a loaf of bread. Yes, if there are eggs, take a dozen.
The programmer comes to the store and asks:
- Do you have eggs?
- Yes, we do.
- Then give me a dozen loaves of bread.

The computer geek's lover purrs in his ear:
- Darling, well, when, when will we register our wedding?
- Why bother? I'm going to hack right now.

A wife asks a programmer husband:
- Darling, do you remember when we have our wedding anniversary?
- Of course I remember! Exactly three days after the end of the antivirus license.

A programmer sits at a computer late at night, suddenly feels a touch from behind. He turns around - his wife is standing naked, charmingly and tenderly looking at him.
Programmer: "Sorry honey, but the computer is taken."