Police Jokes

A police station, a cop is standing, stopping cars on New Year's eve. Stops the first one:
- Driver, you are drunk.
- No, I'm not drunk...
- Then breathe into the balloon.
The driver breaths. The policeman with surprise:
- The first degree of intoxication, a fine - 200 dollars.
The driver paid and left. The policeman stops another car:
- Driver, you are drunk.
- No, I'm not drunk...
- Then breathe into the balloon.
The driver breaths. The policeman with admiration:
- The second degree of intoxication, a fine - 400 dollars.
The second one paid and left. The policeman stops the third car:
- Driver, you are drunk.
- No, I'm not drunk...
- Then breathe into the balloon.
- But this is a condom!
- Hmm, really sober, drive through

A convict on death row escaped from prison. The prison chief sent photographs of the criminal everywhere: full face, left profile, right profile. The next day, from a neighboring town police reported:
- Photos received. During the arrest, all three criminals were killed.

There is a policeman standing in the street and swears, a little boy is nearby. People come up to the policeman, they say - it's not good to swear in front of children.
- Yes, this boy has really got on my nerves!!! This is the third time he comes up to me and offers to fuck his dog - he, you see, needs a police dog puppy ...

The traffic police inspector stops the car.
- Driver, are you drunk?
- What are you saying? I'm not a drinker.
- Come on, breathe in this tube! Hmm ... Is it broken?
He breathes into the tube himself.
- No, it works. OK, you are free to go.

A drunken man stands at a lamppost, pounding on it with his fist and indistinctly says:
- Wife... Open... Open, I say...
A policeman comes up to him.
- What's the matter, citizen?
- Yes, my wife won't let me go home.
The policeman, hitting the pole with his fist:
- Citizen! Open!

One man was caught speeding. The policeman fined him big time and wrote out a receipt for the man.
- What the hell do I need your receipt for? - the angry man asks.
- Keep her safe, - the policeman replies. - When you collect 10 such receipts, you will receive a bicycle!

One curious person asks a man leading a dog on a leash:
- What breed is this?
- It's a police dog.
- It doesn't look like it at all!
- And it shouldn't. It's from the secret police.

Police officer:
- When you were driving along the highway, I immediately determined: at least seventy.
The woman in the car:
- Well, how can you say so. It's just that this hat makes me look very old.

Three cops are bored at the post. Cards, dominoes - everything is already a bore.
One:
- Let's play golf! - I know the rules. This game requires a club, a ball and a hole. I have a club.
The second:
- I am in! And I just have a ball!
Third:
- I won't play this vile game!

Two white policemen are walking along the quarter in which the white population lives. They see a black man lying all riddled with bullets. One cop to another:
- What a brutal suicide!