Airplane Jokes

Funny Jokes About Flying, Pilots, and Flight Attendants

Flying is full of unique moments — from boarding announcements and seat mix-ups to calm pilots and cheerful flight attendants. These airplane jokes highlight the funny side of flying, capturing the humor found in long flights, airport stress, and in-flight surprises. Lighthearted, relatable, and perfect for travel lovers or nervous flyers alike, this collection of flight humor is guaranteed to make your next trip a little more enjoyable.

An airplane is flying. Pilot on speakerphone:
- Dear ladies and gentlemen, the commander of the ship welcomes you. Pleasel isten to information about our flight. Our flight takes place at an altitude of 10 thousand meters at a speed of 900 kilometers per hour, the outside temperature ... DAMN ... A-A-A-A! .. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? ..
There is deathly silence in the cabin.
A minute later, again on the radio:
- I apologize to dear passengers. It's just that our flight attendant spilled hot coffee on me. If you could see my white trousers in front now...
Passenger in the front row:
- Your pants, it's all garbage! You should have seen my pants in the back!"

At the airport:
Another regular flight is coming in to land. The dispatcher is looking from the tower - the plane is landing tail front...
- Plane #C567... what the hell?! Contact Commander!
- C-commander is d-drunk!..
- And the first pilot?
- T-the first p-pilot is drunk!...
- And the navigator?
- D-drunk too!
- Who I am talking to?
- A-autop-pilot...

Now the airlines are writing in unison that they hope for our understanding and support at this difficult time. I would like to ask: "Where were you when my suitcase weighed 23.1 kg?".

After a long flight, a plane finally landed in New York. Passengers get off the ladder. One of them has his pants falling down, he picks them up and says:
- Damn American Airlines: fasten your seat belts, unfasten your seat belts ...

Aircraft cabin. Before a long-haul flight, a flight attendant distributes chewing gum to passengers and says:
- It will help you better transfer the overload in flight and protect you from tinnitus.
After the flight, one old woman comes up to the stewardess and says:
- Darling, who will pull this plug out of my ears now?

The stewardess enters the cabin of the liner and says:
- Ladies and gentlemen! Look to the right - and you will see how the right wing falls off. Look to the left - you
see how the left wing falls off. Now look down - do you see the little dots? This, gentlemen, is the crew wishing you a happy rest of the flight...

A stewardess enters the cabin of the plane:
- Dear passengers! The plane is landing, please fasten your seat belts, otherwise it will be like last time.
- How was it last time? - a passenger asks.
- Those who did not buckle up were smeared on the ceiling and walls, and those who buckled up looked like they were alive.

Airport bar, music, tables...
There are two gentlemen at the table.
The first says: Shall we have a drink, sir?
Second: I can't, sir, I'm a taxi driver...
First: Sorry. But I will still have a drink, fortunately I'm not a driver!
Second: I sincerely envy, but what is your profession?
First: I am a pilot.

During the flight, a rattle and creak of the hull was suddenly heard in the cabin. One of the passengers turned pale, cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and he clutched his chair with his fingers. The man sitting next to him says calmly:
- Don't worry so much! I fly a lot and I can assure you that the guys in the cockpit know what they are doing!
The passenger replies:
- I'm a pilot! I know exactly what they are doing there!

The plane loses control and begins to descend over the sea.
The pilot announces:
- Passengers who can swim, please take the seats on the left; passengers who cannot swim, please take the seats on the right.
After some time, the plane descends into the water.
Pilot:
- Passengers on the left, swim over to that island; passengers on the right, we thank you for choosing our airline, all the best to you!