Our Jokes:
Tourist Jokes
Funny Jokes About Tourists, Travel, and Sightseeing
Traveling is full of adventure — and sometimes confusion. From map-reading disasters to hilarious culture mix-ups, tourists often find themselves in unforgettable situations. These tourist jokes celebrate the funny side of tourism and sightseeing, highlighting the universal moments every traveler experiences. Whether you’re a seasoned explorer or an occasional vacationer, this collection of travel humor will make you smile.
The director of the furniture factory went on a business trip to Paris. He returns - a lot of impressions. He tells his friends:
- Oh, such a city! Such streets! Such stores!!
- What about women?
- Oh! This is something incredible! A dream! The main thing is that any man is understood perfectly. For example: I go into a small restaurant, sit down at a table. A breathtaking beauty sits next to me. Well, I immediately realized that I don't know a word in French. She draws a glass for me on a napkin. I pour champagne for her. She draws a cigarette. I give a smoke. Draws two dancing figures. I invite her to dance.
- Well, then?
- Draws a bed...
- And you?
- Hmm... I still don't understand how she knew that I was the director of a furniture factory...
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A girl is traveling alone in a train compartment. She goes to bed, suddenly an African-American enters the compartment and begins to undress.
The girl covered one leg with a blanket and says:
- How muscular are you?! I have goosebumps...
The man goes to bed without answering. In the morning the girl asks him:
- And yesterday I thought that you would start molesting me?! ...
- Girl! 3 times syphilis, 5 times gonorrhea...
Goosbumps is all I need now.
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Tourist asks the hotel clerk:
- What do you have here, on the application form?
Hotel clerk:
- Bedbug, sir.
Tourist (putting aside the pen):
- I have nothing against the fact that you have bugs in the hotel. But when they get out to peep the room number you give - that's too much!
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The maid asks the hotel guest:
- When shall I wake you up?
- At six am. To wake me up, - the businessman says jokingly, - I need a kiss ...
- Good. I'll alert the porter, Mr. Schwarzer.
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The visitor stopped at a hotel in a small provincial town and, going to bed, ordered to wake himself up at 5 am.
The porter said to him instructively, - Sir, you are simply unfamiliar with our latest technological advances. If you want to be awakened in the morning, press this button, we will come and wake you up.
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The guide shows tourists an old castle. In the dungeon, tourists suddenly see the skeletons of human bodies and go cold with horror.
- How did they get here?
- Oh, it is simple, - explains the guide, already accustomed to such questions, - They decided to run away from the tour guide.
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Tour Guide:
- Attention, this fountain was built in the 16th century. And the cathedral that is being built behind the fountain will be the 13th century.
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A man runs along the corridor of the train car, looks into each compartment and asks excitedly:
- Does anyone have cognac? The lady in the last compartment became ill. Someone hands him a bottle.
The man uncorks and takes a long sip:
- Thanks a lot! I always feel sick when I see a woman fainting.
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In the train car, the passenger leaned out of the window. The controller passes and makes a remark to him:
- Sir, it is forbidden to lean out of the window!
- Well, you know! - the passenger explodes. - I want and stick out!
- As you wish, sir, - the controller shrugs his shoulders, moving away.
But if you damage an oncoming train with your head, you will pay for it!
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On the train. The woman is indignant:
- Mister, get your dog away from me, otherwise fleas are already jumping on me.
Dog owner:
- Jack, get away from this woman, she's got fleas!
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