University Jokes

Funny Jokes About Students, Professors, and Exams

University life is full of late-night studying, tough exams, brilliant professors, and unforgettable campus moments. From cramming before finals to decoding confusing lectures, every student has a story to tell.

These university jokes celebrate the humor of higher education — the stress, the smarts, and the survival skills required to make it to graduation. Whether you're a student, graduate, or professor, you’ll find something to laugh about here.

- Listen, Smith, - the dean says to the student, - yesterday you were seen in the women's dormitory of the university. You will have to pay a fine of ten dollars. If the violation is repeated, the fine will be twice as high. The third time it will reach twenty-five dollars. On the fourth violation ...
- Let's not waste time on trifles, - the student remarks, - tell me right away, how much does a subscription for the whole semester cost?

The exam, the student could not answer a single question. The teacher tells him for his edification:
- Imagine that you found two bags - one with the mind and the other with money. Which one would you take?
- Of course with money!
- See! And if I were you, I would take the bag with the mind ...
- That's right, everyone takes what he lacks!

At a lecture at a medical institute. Professor:
- Answer, Mr. Brown, what organ of the human body quadruples when excited?
Female students in the front row giggle:
- Hee hee hee!
Professor angrily:
- And wrong, - it is the pupil. And your " hee hee hee ", girls, only twice.

There is an exam in economics. A pretty girl talks about Adam Smith, without ever calling him by name. After listening carefully to her, the teacher asks:
What was Smith's name?
In response, embarrassed silence.
- Well, don't worry. Remember the name of the first man, - prompts the teacher.
- Anthony!!! - the girl answers quietly, blushing.

Class in the anatomical museum. The teacher, surrounded by a crowd of students, says:
- A doctor should not be squeamish!
And with these words, he plunges his finger into the insides of the corpse, then defiantly licks it and invites everyone present to repeat it. The students wince and turn away, but do as the teacher says. After that, the teacher raises his hand up and says:
- The doctor must also be attentive! I licked my index finger and used the middle one!

Two students made a bet. They came to a taxi stop.
- Tell me, the driver, what is the price to go to the street Bay Street?
- 20 dollars.
- What if I'm with a friend?
- 20 dollars.
- You see, Peter, I told you that you are worthless.

The action takes place in the toilet at the university...
Voice from the right booth:
- And this bastard did not give you a mark?
Voice from left:
- Nope. He did not, jerk!
Voice from the middle booth:
- And I won't...

A student of agriculture institute learned only the structure of a flea for the exam. Well, he pulls a ticket - there is the structure of a dog. So he begins:
A dog is an animal with four legs and is covered with hair. And there are fleas in the hair... And then he tells everything about fleas.
Teacher:
- OK OK. Tell us about the structure of a cow.
- Well, a cow, this is an animal on four legs, eats grass, is covered with hair. But fleas are found in hair, well, and again tell about fleas.
- Okay, that's enough. Tell us then about the structure of the fish.
- The fish lives in the water, of course it doesn't have hair, but if it had it, then fleas would definitely be found in it... "

The student decided to earn some money. His friends advised him to get a job as a night watchman or a janitor. He went to one place, the places were occupied, went to another - the same thing. He came to the zoo, but they told him that there was both a watchman and a janitor and suggested:
- Our monkey recently died. You could replace her.
- I don't know if I can, - the student doubts.
- Did you play sports?
- A bit.
- We have the skin and we will pay more than a watchman or a janitor.
Well, the student agreed. Here, he sits in a cage, climbs, makes faces to visitors, spins on the rings, the visitors are happy. In the evening, when there were already few visitors, he jumped to the floor, but unsuccessfully, and fell into a cage that stood under the one in which he was. He sees a lion coming towards him. Well, the student thinks: "I shouldn't have agreed. Even for that kind of money."
And the lion comes up and says in a human voice:
- Hi! What university are you from?

Diary of a student.
Monday: "2 dollars left. I really want to eat.
Tuesday: "50 cents left. I really want to eat."
Wednesday: No money. Terribly want to eat."
Thursday: "Got a scholarship. Came to the hostel. I don't remember further."
Friday: "I don't remember"
Saturday: "I don't remember"
Sunday: "I don't remember"
Monday: "2 dollars left. I really want to eat...