Our Jokes:
Alcohol Jokes
Funny Jokes About Drinking, Bars, and Drunk Situations
Alcohol has always been part of celebrations, awkward stories, and unforgettable nights people only partially remember. From funny bar conversations to questionable late-night decisions, drinking culture creates endless comedy. These alcohol jokes highlight the lighter side of social drinking, parties, and the strange situations people find themselves in after “just one more drink.”
The drunk wants to get to the hotel. He gets into a taxi. On the way, the driver notices that his passenger is starting to undress.
- What are you doing? he asks with anger. - You're not at the hotel yet...
- Wh-what? - the client stutters. - Couldn't you have told me this before? I just took off my shoes in front of the door.
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Two men talk:
- And how much can you drink?
- They say a glass of red wine a day is good for your health...
- But you already had 8 today...
- I'm moving towards immortality...
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Two friends talk in the morning:
- Boy, you were drunk yesterday.
- I wasn't drunk!
- Dude, you've been throwing my hamster at the wall all night saying "Let's Go, Pikachu!"
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The wife decided to wean her husband from drinking. She wrapped herself in a white sheet, took a lantern and started to furiously wake her husband.
- Who are you? - the husband yelled.
- I'm Satan!
- Ah! Let's shake hands, you old nag, I'm married to your sister.
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Two friends meet. One says to the other:
- Hear, I have two ladies in the car. Let's go somewhere to rest.
- What do they look like?
- There are no bad women, there is little vodka.
- Well, okay, just in case, I'll still look.
He greets, looks, then closes the door and says to a friend:
- I'm sorry, but I can't drink that much vodka.
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Two friends meet:
- Hello, how are you?
- I stopped drinking - and feels I was born again!
- Yah! How is that?
- You are surprised at everything and you don't understand anything.
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A tanker with 300 tons of pure alcohol on board has crashed off the coast of Iceland.
Whales are jumping ashore and ... demand the continuation of the banquet ...
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A drunken man walks down the street at night. He is stopped by a cop.
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to listen to a lecture on the dangers of drunkenness and alcoholism.
- At three the morning? Who will read it to you?
- My wife and mother-in-law!
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A drunken man comes home. His wife meets him with a rolling pin in her hands and with the words:
- Where have you been, you bastard?
- Lucy ... I was at the cemetery.
- What, someone died?
- You won't believe it! EVERYONE DIED there!
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Three drunkards are standing in the pub, very drunk, drinking beer.
One says:
- I, will be right back, guys!
Moves away from the pub 2 meters and starts to piss. A cop comes up to him and says:
- Immediately hide your dick and stop!
The man: - Yes, Yes...
Comes back to his friends. Smiles from ear to ear, says:
- Cool, I fucked the cop!
- How?!
- He told me to hide and stop. I hid it, but I didn't stop!
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