Our Jokes:
Divorce Jokes
Lighthearted Jokes About Divorce, Marriage, and Moving On
Divorce is a serious life change — but humor has a way of helping people cope, reflect, and move forward.
These divorce jokes take a lighthearted look at marriage breakups, exes, and the awkward, unexpected moments that come with starting a new chapter.
Witty, relatable, and focused on shared experiences, this collection of divorce humor is meant to make you smile, not sting. Sometimes, laughing really is the best therapy.
There is a divorce proceeding. The judge asks the husband:
- Why did you decide to get a divorce?
- You know, she's boring...
- Like what? Explain.
- Well, just imagine. You wake up, go to the window: oh, what a wonderful day! On the street - May, sun, birds are chirping. I am in a great mood ... And she comes up from behind and urges: ---"Throw out the Christmas tree, throw out the tree ..."
0
Michael explains to the judge:
- I have to ask for a divorce. Before, when I came home from work, the dog greeted me with barks, and my wife brought me slippers. Now it's the other way around.
0
Wife talking to a lawyer:
- I have been soaping my husband's back every Saturday for ten years ...
- Is this a reason for divorce?
- But last Saturday his back was completely clean.
0
The judge asks the husband:
- Every evening, returning home, did you find another man in the closet?
- Yes!
- And this was the reason for your disagreements with your wife?
- Yes! I couldn't hang my jacket there.
0
Spouses are getting divorced. The judge asks:
- Was there something attractive in your husband, since you married him?
- It was, it was, but everything was spent to the last dollar.
0
A man comes to court. He brought an application for divorce. The natural question is: "Why?"
- Yes, my wife is a big bore.
- Why?
- What do you think, Your Honour, is 10 thousand dollars per month enough for two?
- Well, that's probably enough.
- And I think so. And my wife says: "Look for a job, go look for a job ..."
0
Is it true you're getting a divorce?
- Of course! And this is the first time that my husband and I managed to quickly reach an agreement!
0
The wife is filing for divorce.
- And what is your reason for divorce? - the judge asks.
- He makes me eat whatever I cook...
0
Two friends meet:
- How is your family life?
- Bad! My wife wants to divorce me, because she thinks that I do not harmonize with the new curtains in the living room.
0
The court is hearing a divorce case. Judge:
- Citizen Williams, what are your claims against the defendant?
- I can't live like this anymore! We met a year ago, we work at the same shop. At first he wanted to make love once a month, then once a week. When we got married - he wanted to make love every day. And it is still not enough for him! He wants to make love before he goes to work, he wants it at lunchtime! Then he wants 2 times at home before we go to sleep. I can't do this anymore!
Judge:
- Mr. Williams, what do you say?
- Well, what can I say ... Even now I want.
0