Dark Humor Joke

A man comes to the doctor and complains of a constant headache. The doctor conducts a thorough examination, checks all the tests, conducts a consultation, and as a result, after a month of all sorts of tests, x-rays and analyzes, he tells the patient:
- There is only one way to get rid of your headache: you have to amputate the balls.
The patient is in shock. But, there is nothing to do, he can no longer endure, he agrees to the operation. Amputated. Indeed, the headache is gone.
After some time, this man decides to have a suit made by a good craftsman. The tailor, glancing once at the peasant, says to him:
- Well, well, we have here the 40th size of the collar, the 42nd size of the shirt, the 43rd jacket, the 44th trousers, and the 40th size of the underpants.
The man replies with admiration:
- Blimey! Wow, almost everything is correct! Except for underpants: all my life I wear not the 40th, but the 39th size.
- This can not be! If you were wearing size 39 underpants, they would put a lot of pressure on your balls, and you would constantly have a headache from this ...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other:
- Well, how do you like it?
- Yeah, somehow not funny at all.

A blind man with a guide dog comes into a supermarket in New York. He goes to the center of the hall and begins to spin the dog on a leash above him. They ask him:
- What are you doing?
- I'm just looking around.

- What animal has 5 legs?
- The pit bull running from the playground.

A family is driving from the cottage: dad, mom, son aged four.
The traffic cop stops them:
- Breathe into the tube.
Dad breathed - the tube shows that he is drunk. He says:
- It can't be! Your tube is broken. Here, let my wife breathe - she definitely cannot be drunk, and you will see that your device is broken!
Mom breathes, and the tube shows that she is drunk. The dad:
- It cannot be! We will prove that we are not drunk, but the device is faulty! Let the child breathe.
The kid breathes and the tube shows that he is drunk. The traffic cop has nothing to do - indeed, the device is broken, he lets the car go. The car goes on, dad turns to mom:
- Here, I told you that a half a beer will not be bad for a child!

Two Sharks meet:
- Well, how are you?
- Hungry, they announced a ban on swimming ...
- Ah, and I heard that you know have many divers...
- Yes, but they are hard and rubbery...
- You fool, you need to peel them!

Once upon a time there was a girl, she had sparse greasy hair, big bulging eyes, a big nose, thin lips, broad shoulders, thin arms, small breasts, a large belly and crooked, hairy legs. She could be called an ugly girl, if not for her smile ...
... Her smile made her simply disgusting ...

A prison guard and a priest walk into death row.
- Bill, your death sentence has been cancelled, you are free.
The prisoner is so happy, jumps around the cell, laughs ...
... The priest adds:
- Bill, smile. You are filmed with a hidden camera.

A crowd has gathered near the building, and everyone is looking up. A man is standing on the edge of the roof and is about to jump down.
Suddenly, one woman nerves can't stand it, and she shouts:
- Come on, parasite, I'm late for work!

Somehow an optimist, a pessimist and a bore were executed in France. The optimist was the first to be brought to the guillotine and asked for his last wish.
He replied: "Life was so beautiful and interesting! Lay me face up please. It will be very interesting for me to watch the falling knife."
They laid him face up, pulled the lever, and the knife creaked and stopped just above the neck.
As usual in such cases, he was pardoned.
The pessimist was asked about the last wish. He said, "Life has been so nasty! And then there is this knife ... And greedy for the bloody spectacles crowd ... Blindfold my eyes and plug my ears with cotton wool."
His wish was granted, the lever was pulled, but the knife creaked again and stopped just above the neck.
He too was pardoned according to custom.
The bore is asked:
- What is your last wish?
- Last wish, last wish ... It would be better if the guillotine was repaired ...