Dark Humor Joke

From under the operating table:
- Meow!
Surgeon:
- Get out!
From under the table again:
- Meow!
- Go away!
Again:
- Meow!
The surgeon, cutting off something from the patient and throwing it under the table:
- Here, choke on!

The taxi passenger, wanted to ask the driver a question and patted him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed wildly and lost control. The taxi almost crashed into the bus, flew out onto the sidewalk and stopped a centimeter from the shop window. For a moment there was silence in the cab, after which the taxi driver said hoarsely:
- Listen, buddy, don't do that again. I almost screwed up...
The passenger apologized and added that he could not imagine that a light tap on the shoulder would frighten the driver so much.
To which the driver remarked:
- Yes, in general, it's not your fault here ... It's just that today is the first day I work as a taxi driver. And before that, I drove a hearse for 25 years!

The doctor on the round says to the patient:
- I have two news for you: good and bad. Which one to start with?
- Start with the bad.
- We cut off your right leg instead of your left.
- Well, and the good one?
- The good news is we didn't have to cut the left leg either.

A hare is walking through the forest and crying. Other animals ask him:
- Why are you crying, hare?
- My wife is dead.
- Who was your wife?
- Elephant.
Everyone laughed. And the hare says:
- Yes, it's funny to you, and I have to dig a grave.

A man run into the doctor's office with a fork in his stomach:
- Doctor, help!
- I can not! My workday is over.
- Doctor, do at least something.
The doctor pulls out the fork from the stomach and sticks it in his eye:
- Go to the eye doctor - he works till 9 pm today.

A stutterer is standing on the street, looking at the open hatch and a blind man is walking with a stick. He yells at him:
- M-m-m-m-mister!
That one falls into the hole.
- Aaah, sh-sh-shit!

Two men were washed up on a desert island after a plane crash.
One says:
- I wish there was also a woman with u.
Second:
- Yes, hot one.
The first:
- Yes, and with a fried crust ...

- The doctor prescribed to my friend therapeutic fasting ... And do you know how much money he saved? And for the coffin, and for the funeral, and there was even something left to his kids.

Before the execution, the condemned turns to the executioner:
- I refuse to put my head on this chopping block, make it two times lower.
- What do you not like? - the executioner is surprised.
- The fact is, if my head falls from such a height, then a concussion cannot be avoided!

The worker fell off the scaffolding. His partner shouts after him:
- Push it, Peter! A brick is flying behind you!