​Jokes About Men – Funny Men Humor

She is saying:
- Listen, honey, if I get married, I'll lose my job.
He:
- Then we must keep our marriage a secret.
- What if we have a baby?
- Well, to the baby, we'll have to tell, of course.

You know, David, I made a very profitable bet with my wife: if I don't come home at the promised time in the evening, then I lost and give her a 20 dollars.
- And if you come very late, if, for example, in the morning? Then a scandal?
- That's the benefit of my bet. She immediately jumps out of bed and joyfully shouts: - You lost, you lost!

One builder spent three years in Africa. He worked under a contract. Finally he returns home, his co-workers meet him at the airport. He comes out thinner, tanned, in a pith helmet, with colorful stickers on his suitcase, and a small monkey sits not on his shoulder. He is surrounded by friends.
- Well, how in Africa?
- Tired, guys, very tired.
- David, what about women in Africa?
- With products, guys, it's bad, had to buy everything at the market.
- David, tell how it is with the women?
- The heat during the day is terrible, and at night it is cold.
- Well, what are you talking about nonsense, how about the women there?
The monkey pulls David by the ear:
- Dad, dad, come on, tell them about the women.

A group of men are exchanging their views on women.
- What is the first thing you notice about a woman? - one asks.
- It depends which way she's going, - replies the second.

A man with his son are in sauna...
The son stepped on the soap, slipped, grabbed his father's dick and ... held on.
Father:
- Ouch! Damn... Appreciate ... if you would go with your mother - you would be dead by now!

Two friends are talking:
- You know, my wife left me.
- In this case, take a bottle of vodka and drown your grief in it.
- Nothing will work.
- What, no money?
- There is money. There is no grief.

At a silver jubilee, a husband asks a friend:
- How much do they give for murder?
- 25 years.
- Wow! I would be free by now!

Two friends are talking:
- Yesterday my wife fell ill, and today her mother came to take care of her.
- Yeah, trouble never comes alone.

Three men are sitting in a pub.
- Robert, why are you so sad?
- Yes, yesterday I was arguing with my wife all evening because of junk she buys ...
- Wow... Well, who had the last word?
- Ha! Me, of course!
- And what did you say?
- "Damn you, buy it."

- My wife is a strong supporter of the raw food diet.
- Yeah, Mine can't cook either!