Our Newest Jokes – Fresh Funny Humor

The wife of a poor man cooked butter, and he sold it to one of the groceries. The wife cooked butter in the form of circles weighing a kilogram. And he sold them to the grocer and bought the necessary things for his house.

One day, the grocer had doubts about the weight of the butter he was buying and, weighing each circle, saw that they weighed 900 grams. He got angry with the poor man. The next day, when the poor man came to him, he met him in anger and said to him:
- I will not buy from you anymore, because you sell me butter, saying that it weighs a kilogram, and it weighs only 900 grams.

Then the poor man, upset and lowering his head, said:
- O my lord, we do not have scales, but I bought sugar from you and used it as a weight measure in order to weigh oil with it.

A rich man, after 50 years of marriage, once looked at his wife and said:
- 50 years ago we had a small house, an old car, we slept on the couch and watched a small black-and-white TV, but every night I went to bed with a beautiful 19-year-old girl.
Now I have a huge expensive house, a lot of expensive cars, a huge bed in a luxurious bedroom, a wide-screen color TV, but I share a bed with a 69-year-old woman. I'm starting to doubt my marriage.
His wife suggested:
-You can find yourself a 19-year-old girl, and I will make sure that you live again in a small house, sleep on a sagging sofa, and watch black-and-white TV.

Once upon a time, an old Indian told his grandson one vital truth.
- Inside each person there is a struggle, very similar to the struggle of two wolves. One wolf represents evil - envy, jealousy, regret, selfishness, ambition, lies ... The other wolf represents goodness - peace, love, hope, courtesy, truth, kindness, loyalty ...
The little Indian, touched to the depths of his soul by the words of his grandfather, thought for a few moments, and then asked:
- Which wolf wins at the end?
The face of the old Indian was touched by a barely perceptible smile, and he answered:
- The wolf you feed always wins.

If you say to a man: "You are as stupid as George!" He asks why is he a fool?
If you say to a woman: "You are as stupid as Emma!" She will be indignant: Why is it, me like Emma?!"

Adam asks God:
- Lord, why did you make Eve so beautiful?
- So that you like her, my son.
- God, but why did you make her so stupid?
- And this is to make her like you!

In court, the judge asks a female witness:
- How old are you?
- I have to count. When I got married, I was 20 years old, and my husband was 40, that is, I was 2 times younger than him. Now he is 70, so I am 35 years old.

Two friends chat:
Ellen:
- So you like his attention? So why don't you marry him then?
Betty:
- Because I love his attention!

Betty married for the fifth time, now to a construction worker. Before that, her husbands were a lawyer, a businessman, a champion football player and a polo player.
- You know how pleased I am! - she shares with a friend. - That's the man! From now on, I will only marry construction workers!

- My wife is terribly afraid of robbers, - Morris tells his friends. - Therefore, she often woke me up at night when she heard even the slightest rustle. All this continued until I explained to her that skillful thieves always act quietly and carefully.
- So you sleep well now?
- I wish, she now began to wake me up as soon as there is complete silence in the house.

After the examination, the doctor says to the female patient:
- You are perfectly healthy. I would only recommend that you spend more time outdoors and dress warmer in winter.
At home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.
- He recommended me a seaside vacation in summer, and a mink coat in winter.