Our Newest Jokes – Fresh Funny Humor

Frau Anderson, with an extremely anxious, pale face, enters her husband's office, holding a medical directory in her hands.
- Well, what did I say! I knew very well that I was sick. And now I know what my disease is. Listen: "In the initial stage, this disease does not manifest itself in any way, and the patient can feel completely healthy ..." - You see? Everything exactly the same as my case!

The lady tells her friend:
- To lose weight, the doctor prescribed me a daily horseback ride.
- Well, how are the results already?
- Oh yeah! The horse has already lost weight.

Two friends talk about their wives:
- Does your wife talk a lot?
- Yes, when we were on vacation, she even got a tan on her tongue!

Two old men are talking:
- Richard, - says one, - soon we will have to answer to God. That's what I want to confess to you. Do you remember, in 1938, you were imprisoned for 10 years? So, know - it was my work.
Do you remember, after prison, you got a job at a factory, but soon you were fired? so, you know - and here I again my work.
- I want to confess to you, too, - says another. - Do you know your son Peter well?
- Of cause! I have been raising and educating him for twenty-five years!
- So you know: it was my work!

An old friend came to visit. They sit at the table. The owner periodically turns to his wife:
- Darling, please bring some more tea.
- Honey, be so kind, give me sugar.
- Sunshine, your cake is incomparable, can I have more?
While the wife goes for the cake, the friend admires:
- I envy you: you have been married for so long, and you still love her so much, you call her honey, you call her sunshine!
- It is not that! It's just that it's been five years since I forgot her name!

A conversation between two Frenchmen:
- A good wife is one who has a husband and a lover.
- I thought it was a bad wife.
- No, the bad one is the one with only a lover.
- I thought it was a fallen one.
- No, the fallen one who has no one.
- I thought it was lonely.
- No, the lonely one is with just the husband.

- Young man, what do you allow yourself ?! - the apartment owner shouts at his lodger. - You burst into the bathroom without even knocking!
- Excuse me, please, Mr Dowson, - the embarrassed tenant justifies himself. - I thought it wasn't you, but your wife...

Two friends met.
- Hello, David, why are you so sad?
- My son was born.
- So it's good, you should be happy!
- That's right, but my wife found out about it!

A little boy runs into the police station.
- Faster, sir! There on the street, some gentleman is beating my father!
The policeman jumps out into the street and sees two men violently pounding each other with their fists. He turns to the boy and asks:
- Listen, I'll separate them now, but which one of them is your father?
- That's exactly what they are figuring out!

The husband, suspecting his wife of infidelity, hired a private detective to spy on her. He reports to him about the results:
- Your wife met a man in the town square, they got into the car and drove to a country villa. They entered the house, sat down at the table, drank some wine, undressed, got into bed and turned off the light. I didn't see anything else.
Husband:
- That damned uncertainty again!