Our Jokes:
Newlywed Jokes
Lighthearted Jokes About Love, Marriage, and Newlywed Life
The newlywed stage is full of love, surprises, and little discoveries about sharing life together.
These newlywed jokes celebrate the humor of early marriage — from learning each other’s habits to navigating everyday moments as a married couple.
Warm, playful, and gently relatable, this collection of newlywed humor is perfect for couples, friends, and anyone who remembers what it’s like to start married life with laughter.
- Are you going to speak?
- No! I won't speak!! I won't!!
- Take this!! And now?
- Ouch!! Don't hit, please don't hit!
- Just speck and no one will touch you. Speak!!!
- I can not! I can not! Anything you want, but not this!
- Are you going to choose here? Come on, David, give him some more.
- A-a-a-a! No, no, please, no!
- Well, what are you, fool? You say - and it's all over!
- I can't. How will I live then?
- Like everyone else - you will. Look how gentle we are. David, I'm fed up with this conversation already. Well, warm it up with a lighter, or something ...
- Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Don't, don't need a lighter! I will say!
- Speak!!!
- Yeees!
- Well, that's great. The groom agrees. Now the bride. Do you enter into marriage of your own free will, do you promise to be faithful to him and love him forever, until death do you part?
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One friend says to another:
- You know, I decided to get married, but here's the problem: how do I know if she's honest or not?
- Well, you will immediately know this, - a married friend tells him, - an honest woman on her wedding night will do everything at random, she will definitely confuse something.
Soon they met again. The newlywed says:
- You know, she turned out to be honest - on the first night she was so confused that she put a pillow not under her head, but under her ass!
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A husband asks his young wife:
- I don't understand, dear, is the steak hard, or is the knife dull?
- Honey, it's not a steak - it's a pudding.
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A young man was asked:
- When did your honeymoon end?
- When I stopped helping my wife wash the dishes and started doing it myself.
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Friends ask a young husband after the wedding night:
- Well, was your wife a virgin?
- Yes.
- Was there blood?
- No.
- And you say - virgin!
- She said there would be blood on the 25th.
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A young husband says to his wife:
- You won't believe me, but I baked this soup myself.
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Monique recently got married and, having met a friend, complains bitterly:
- Life is expensive, it's hard to buy anything decent, constant holes in the budget.
- Didn't you tell me that your fiancé is rich? - the girlfriend is surprised.
- No, I did not! I just claimed he had more money than brains.
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Two friends meet:
- They say, you recently got married? Perhaps now you know what true happiness is!
- Yes. Now I know. But it's' too late.
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A young wife says to her husband:
- Dear, I must confess to you that I can cook only two dishes - semolina and pear compote.
The husband looked at the dish in front of him and asked:
- Which one of the two is this?
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A newlywed husband asks his wife:
- Annie, why are you all flipping through the cookbook?
- I want to boil an egg for you for breakfast, but I can't find the recipe...
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