Funniest jokes across all categories:
A young millionaire is madly in love and wants to get married. One day he says to his chosen one:
- What do you think about us spending my money together?
- Dear, I agree.
- I want to say that we will need all our lives to spend my riches.
- Oh, don't worry, dear. I don't think it will take that long!
Three female friends meet.
One is married for 10 years. Another is a mistress. The third is engaged.
Discussed their men, at the end of it - decided to experiment:
Eac agreed to put on leather black lingerie - sexy stockings with a belt - high heels - an eye mask and so meet your loved ones.
A week later they meet again.
The bride tells: - He came home, I met him in stockings, in a mask on high heels - he attacked me and said that I was the love of his life and we had sex all night.
The mistress says: - I came to his office - closed the door - opened the raincoat - and there was leather underwear, a mask, heels - he did not say anything, but we had sex for 5 hours without a break.
The wife says embarrassed: - husband came home from work, I opened the door in leather black lingerie, sexy stockings and a mask - he looked and asked: "What's for dinner, Batman?"
A mother teaches her 17-year-old daughter how to avoid being raped:
- Imagine that you are walking down the street at night, and a suspicious man is following you. Your actions?
- I will quickly turn to him, pull down his trousers and pull up my skirt.
- Are you crazy?
- And who do you think runs faster, is it he with his trousers down or me with my skirt up?
In the midst of a family battle, the wife shouts to her husband:
- It would be better if I married the devil himself!
The husband calmly remarked:
- But that's impossible: marriages between close relatives are forbidden.
A husband arrives from a business trip abroad. His wife meets him with cooked dinner. The husband ate and says:
- When I ate in a restaurant abroad, there was a golden border on each plate. A trifle, but nice!
Then he goes to wash his hands:
- They have a naked woman embroidered on each towel. A trifle, but nice!
- But the neighbor's dick is 1 cm longer. A trifle, but nice!
Wife is angry at a husband:
- You see what you are like! You took a large piece of meat for yourself, and left me a small one ...
- How would you do it?
- Of course, I would take myself a small piece...
- Well, why are you screaming then, I gave you the one you wanted!
At the dentist:
The dentist took hold of the tooth, and the patient clutched the arms of the chair.
Dentist: - That's it, here's your tooth!
- Thank you doctor, and here are your chair arms!
At a dentist:
- What are you doing?! You were supposed to pull out a completely different tooth!
- Calm down, little by little I'll get to him!
A council of doctors has gathered:
- Shall we treat the patient? Or let him live?
- Doctor! - a young man turns to the doctor. - I ask for the hand of your daughter.
- Do not dream about it - you look like you have diseased kidneys ...
The distressed young man went to the door.
- Wait! - the doctor stopped him. - Please pay my secretary at the door $100 for consultation.