Our Jokes:
Alcohol Jokes
Funny Jokes About Drinking, Bars, and Drunk Situations
Alcohol has always been part of celebrations, awkward stories, and unforgettable nights people only partially remember. From funny bar conversations to questionable late-night decisions, drinking culture creates endless comedy. These alcohol jokes highlight the lighter side of social drinking, parties, and the strange situations people find themselves in after “just one more drink.”
Beer enters the stomach, and there is vodka.
- Move over! - I won't move!
- Come on, you want a fight? Let's go out!
0
A drunken man is stopped by a policeman at night.
Policeman asks: - Where are you going?
- I'm going to a lecture on the dangers of alcoholism!
- Who will read it to you at night?
- My mother-in-law and wife!
0
In a restaurant, a gentleman orders one whiskey, then a second, then a third, and finally asks for a fourth with a slurred tongue, to which the waiter says:
- Sorry, sir, but I think you've had enough!
The gentleman replies:
- Excuse me, but I think and see everything perfectly.
- And what do you see, sir?
- I see a cat enter through the open door and I see that she has two eyes!
- Sir! But this cat is leaving!
0
Two friend meet:
- It turns out interesting: I invited you to drink to my health, and you are already sipping your fifth glass!
- I'm sorry, but you look so bad!
0
Accident on the road. The car was smashed to smithereens, three young drunk men are hardly removed from it.
- Who was driving the car? - the policeman asks.
- No one, - one of the victims answers, - we were all sitting in the back seat.
0
After the celebration of the New Year, two men meet:
- Well, how did you celebrate the holiday?
- I don't know, they haven't told me yet...
0
A man tells his date at a restaurant:
- Honey! This wine makes you irresistible!
- But I didn't drink wine!
- But I drank.
0
One drunkard complains to another about his wife:
- When I get home, she immediately tells: "Come on, breathe"!
- So you do as I do. Breathe as hard as you can.
- And what happens?
- She falls.
0
- The drunken husband comes home. The wife shouts at him:
- Have you put the car in the garage?
- P-Partly.
0
A man walks into a bar, orders whiskey:
- How much do I have to pay?
- Three dollars.
The man takes three dollars out of his pocket. One puts it on the bar counter in front of him, then goes to the left end of the counter, puts the second there, then goes to the right end of the counter, puts the third there. The bartender, swearing quietly, goes left and right and takes the money.
The next day, the same man comes again, again orders a glass of whiskey and again lays out the dollars at different ends of the counter. The bartender is angry, but he goes after the money.
In short, this pattern is repeated day after day.
And then one day a man orders whiskey, takes a glass, rummages in his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper in 5 dollars. The bartender quickly takes this piece of paper, smiles vindictively, takes out two dollars of change, goes to the left end of the bar counter, puts one dollar there, then goes to the right end and puts the second there. Then he comes back and looks gloatingly at the man.
The man phlegmatically drinks whiskey, pulls out a dollar from his pocket, puts it in front of him and says:
"Maybe I'll have another glass today."
0