Our Jokes:
Alcohol Jokes
Funny Jokes About Drinking, Bars, and Drunk Situations
Alcohol has always been part of celebrations, awkward stories, and unforgettable nights people only partially remember. From funny bar conversations to questionable late-night decisions, drinking culture creates endless comedy. These alcohol jokes highlight the lighter side of social drinking, parties, and the strange situations people find themselves in after “just one more drink.”
Come to our meeting...
- Will they give you a drink?
- Well, what are you... come with an open heart...
- So I'm asking - will they give you a drink or do I have to come already drunk?
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For the first time in her life, the old lady was offered to try beer. Taking a sip, she was surprised:
- Weird! It tastes so much like the medicine my husband has been taking for the last twenty years!
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On the way home, the drunk is trying to figure out how to trick his wife so that she would not guess that he was drunk again. "I'll come home and start reading," - he finally decided. "My wife will see me reading a book and think I'm sober."
So he did. A minute later, the wife entered the kitchen and asked:
- What are you doing here?
- I am reading, - the husband replied.
- Moron! - cried the wife. - Close the suitcase and go to bed!
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An alcoholic comes to be treated ...
- And do you drink a lot?
- Yes, not so much, two liters a day, no more.
- Oh-oh. And how long have you been drinking?
- Yes, not so long ago. Since childhood.
- Oi-oi. Well, let's treat you. Just a deal!
- Yes?
- Two hundred grams a day, no more!
- Two hundred grams a day? OK.
... The next time he tumbles in, barely on his feet, singing.
- My dear! We agreed with you, 200 grams per day, no more!
- Do you think, you're the only doctor treating me?!
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A drunk driver is driving in a car towards traffic. He is stopped by a policeman:
- Where are you going?
- I don't know, but I'm afraid I'm already late: everyone is going back.
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The drunk man sits at a table in a restaurant, they bring him grapes for dessert.
- Thank you,- he mutters, pushing the dish away. - I don't drink wine in pills!
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The man came home drunk, all beaten up and began to stick a band-aid on the wounds. The next morning he got up, and his wife asked him:
- Chris, were you drunk again yesterday?
- No, I was not.
- And who, sober, puts band-aid on the mirror?
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Two hard-drinking friends are sitting in a bar.
- Do you know what time it is?
- I know.
- Thanks.
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A not-so-bright boy, and his friends got drunk, and he bet that he would ski down the stairs from the ninth floor. He put on skis, a hat, took sticks and slid off ... On the sixth floor he knocked down an old woman.
The old lady was taken to the hospital.
The next day he sobered up, felt ashamed, bought some fruit, flowers and went to the hospital to visit the old lady. He arrives to the hospital, and they tell him that they don't have anyone he describes.
- How not, they brought it yesterday ?!
- Oh, that one ... So they sent her to a madhouse, she claimed that a skier knocked her down on the sixth floor...
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