Army Jokes

During a NATO exercise, the commander of the engineering unit watched a column of tanks drive onto a bridge built according to his calculations. When the head of the column reached the middle of the bridge, it collapsed.
- Hell! - exclaimed the engineer. - I knew it was not a decimal point, but a speck left by a fly.

The new division commander, checking the water supply in the unit, asked the sergeant in charge of storage what had been done to clean it.
- The first thing we did was boil it, sir.
- Very well, - said the commander.
- Then we passed it through the filters.
- Excellent.
- And after that, for complete guarantee, we decided to drink beer.

During military maneuvers, it was announced that the bridge was conditionally "blown up". The sentry placed at the bridge does not let some woman through for this reason. She, angry, turns to the commander:
- But the bridge is absolutely intact! And this madman claims that the bridge has been blown up!
- I can't say anything, ma'am. I myself have been killed for two hours.

A young soldier who has come home on leave tells his parents about military life. Suddenly he fell silent and stared out the window at four girls passing by. His mother whispered to his father:
- Look, our son has already grown up. Before the army, he did not look at the girls at all.
The son carefully watched the girls until they disappeared around the corner. Then he turned and said sadly:
- One of them was out of step.

A prostitute, a homosexual and a cadet of a military school got to a desert island:
- Shoot a homosexual, - the prostitute says to the cadet, - and then we will live a normal sex life.
- Shoot the prostitute, - the homosexual says, - and then we will live a normal sex life.
The cadet thought and thought, shot them both and began to have a normal sex life.

- Private Smith, did you say about me that I'm an idiot?
- Ensign, sir! I do not disclose military secrets!

The colonel - a USA military adviser - was captured in Mozambique. The leader of the tribe orders:
- White for dinner, leather for the drum. The Colonel grabs a fork and violently thrusts it into his bald spot:
- Here's a drum! Here's a drum for you!

A man, walking through a military cemetery, was reading tombstones. His attention was attracted by a gravestone on which it was written: "Here is the place of calm for John Greenwood, a great general and a good man."
- Again in the Pentagon struggle for funds, - the passer-by grumbled. - They put two dead in one grave.

At the point of admission to the army, the officer for determining the military specialty talked to the recruit.
- We would like to place you where you are best suited. What is your civilian specialty?
- I was a tax collector.
- Excellent! We'll make you a signalman. You will play the wake up signal in the morning. You're already used to people hating you.

In kindergarten, the children suddenly began to swear. The teacher goes to the military unit, from which two soldiers came to repair the wiring and complains to the authorities there. The authorities call on two privates who directly repaired the wiring and asks:
- How did you behave in kindergarten? Did you speak dirty?
- Not at all! Only once, when Private Smith was standing on the stairs and soldering wires, and I was holding the ladder, the tin began to drip down. So I told him so: "Private Smith, don't you see that pieces of molten metal are falling on the head of your comrade in arms?!"