Cheating Jokes

One day a husband comes home. He opens the door, sees his wife in bed. Well, he thinks she has a lover. He searched the whole apartment, found nothing. He looks out the window, sees a half-naked man running.
Later, in court:
- Word to the accused!
- I came home from a business trip, at the entrance, I see my wife in bed. Well, I think she's got a lover. Searched the whole apartment. Didn't find anyone. I look out the window, I see a naked man running there. Well, I dropped the nightstand on him.
- A word to the victim!
- I was doing my usual morning run, when suddenly a nightstand fell on me.
- Witness number one!
- I slept peacefully in the morning, when suddenly my husband bursts in and starts throwing nightstands.
- Witness number two!
- I'm sitting in the nightstand ...

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Husband to wife:
- You have a suspicious expression. One of two things: either you cheated on me, or you are going to change.
- Why is it one of the two, maybe both.

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A married daughter complains to her father that her husband is cheating on her and asks what to do.
- It's better to ask your mother about this, - the father answers, - she has a lot of experience in such matters ...

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A father of four children is tormented by a terrible suspicion.
- Listen, Clara, it seems to me that David is not my son.
- And how could you come up with such a thought? - the wife is indignant. - Just Peter is definitely from you!

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A little son walks around his mother, examining her from all sides. Finally, she is rather tired of this and she says irritably:
- Why are you walking around me?
- I just want to make sure my dad is telling the truth. He always says to our maid: "We need to be careful, dear. My wife has eyes on the back of her head".

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Wife asks his husband:
- Where did you get this blond hair on your trousers?
- Probably, it stuck to me on the subway, - the husband responds.
- I hope this is not related to your blond secretary?
- Nonsense, I always take off my pants...

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The husband suspected his wife of treason. One day he unexpectedly comes home and rushes to look for a lover. He looks under the bed and says:
- He's not here.
Then he looks behind the wardrobe:
-He's not here either.
Then he opens the wardrobe and sees in it a hefty, 2-meter man. After thinking for a moment, he closes the doors and says:
- He's not here either!

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The phone rings:
- Please pick up the phone, - says the husband. - and if they ask me, say: "It's a pity, but my husband is not at home."
The wife picked up the phone and, after listening, said:
- I'm sorry, but my husband is at home...
- Damn it, I warned you!
- But, dear, - his wife reassured him, - it wasn't you who was asked.

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The wife began to suspect her husband of treason, and, accordingly, she hired a detective to find out everything once and for all. Well, a week later the same detective comes and gives her printouts of his telephone conversations, and there it are such things written!!! In the evening, the wife is angry waiting for her husband. Her husband comes, she throws a piece of paper at him. He reads, becomes sad, turns pale, then doomily says:
- Well, what are we going to do now?
She (in a rage poking at a piece of paper):
- This, this, and the whole fifth paragraph!

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One day, the husband returned from the resort, went to bed, and his wife said to him:
- Listen, dear, I feel that you were cheating on me with someone!
- Well, stop it! Well, where did you get it!..
- Well, I'm still Margaret, and you already called me Peter twice ...

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