Dark Humor Joke

A family of cannibals is sitting by the fire. The father scooped up a spoon in the cauldron, took a sip for a sample, turns to his wife and suddenly hits her. She is in tears, and he tells her:
- How many times do I tell you: when you put meat in soup - take off socks!

A married couple is driving along a suburban highway. They are not in a hurry, the speed is 60 kilometers. The husband is driving. The wife, sitting on the right, turns to him and says:
- Dear, we have been married for 15 years, but today I decided to tell you that I want a divorce.
The husband does not answer anything, only gradually increases the speed to 70 kilometers.
- And I don't want you to dissuade me, it's already decided. I sleep with your best friend, and he is a much better lover than you.
Again, the husband does not answer, but increases the speed to 80 kilometers per hour.
- I'm taking our house away from you.
The husband is driving at 90.
- And children.
Now the speedometer is already at 100 kilometers.
- And also all your money and the car.
The husband is silent, only gradually begins to direct the car to the support of the nearest bridge on the road.
- Do you need anything? the wife asks.
- No, I have everything I need, - the husband finally replies.
- And what is that?
And a second before the car hits the concrete wall, he replies:
- Airbag.

At the boat station on the loudspeaker:
- Boat number 99, something happened to you?
- ... silence ...
- I repeat!!! Boat number 99 something happened to you?
(someone yells back)
- We have only 80 boats here!
- Boat number 66, did something happen to you?

The landlady is renting a room to a new guest.
- The room is good, bright. A chemist lived here before you and was very pleased.
- And this stain on the ceiling - probably the consequences of one of your chemist's unsuccessful experiments?
- No. This is the chemist himself.

The executioner raises the ax over the head of the condemned and asks:
- How do you like it, one piece or sliced?

Give me a mourning ribbon, please.
- Wide or narrow?
- Isn't it all the same?
- Oh no! The closer the deceased was to you, the wider the tape should be.
- Our aunt has died, who has deprived us of any inheritance, so give me a black thread.

- Have you heard what is being done? Swimming in the sea is life-threatening, the sanitary and epidemiological station has closed all the beaches!
- I even like it. Yesterday I swam, beauty, swim alone, no one there...
- Exactly. And tomorrow you won't be there.

The cannibal comes home, and at home his brethren wait for him. They ask:
- What do you like most about your wife?
- Eyes - he answers.
- Damn it! And we left you a leg ...

Mom had a blind son. Since birth, he has not seen a bright sun, no blue sky, no green grass. One evening, mom comes and says to him:
- Son, I got such an ointment! If you put it on your eyes at night, in the morning you will already see everything!
- Is it true, mom? Will I finally see the bright sun, blue sky, and green grass?
- Yes, son, so it will be!
Thank you mom, you are so caring!
In the morning the boy wakes up, goes to the window and takes off the bandage... but he can't see anything.
- Mom, I can't see anything!
- April Fools', son!

One day a wife says to her husband:
- I want fried hare and hurry.
- Okay, - the husband replies. An hour later, the woman was already eating a fried hare. She ate and thought: - "Something is not right here. An hour to go to the forest, you need to find a hare, an hour to go back and another hour to fry the hare. And he did it all so quickly."
She ask her husband:
- How did you manage to get the hare so quickly?
- I went out of the house, and he was sitting on the fence. I shot from a gun, it did not have time even to meow.