Dark Humor Joke

One day, the Leader of all peoples, Comrade Stalin, watched another movie before releasing it to the masses. After watching it, Stalin lit up his pipe, puffed and finally said:
- And what is with the main villain's mustache, like Comrade Stalin's? What is this, a conspiracy? Comrade Beria, shoot the actor, make-up artist, screenwriter and director.
- Yes, comrade Stalin!
Terrified Director:
- Maybe we should just shave off his mustache?
- ...or so.

Woodcarver Geppetto's workshop. Geppetto is torturing a log:
- I will make a boy, he will be so smart! .. Ouch! A girl! .. Damn! Legless, but hard-working! ..
Damn! A dog! Ah! A frog! Wow! Damn you, a keychain.

Oculist tells the patient:
- I have two news for you. Good and bad. Which one to start with?
- Good, doctor.
Soon you will be able to read without glasses.
- God! Doctor! It's a miracle! But how can I? I can hardly see anything even with glasses! How can I read without glasses?!
- With your fingers, my dear, with fingers!

Darling, what beautiful eyes you have!
- Hmm ... (embarrassed).
- And what a mouth you have!
- Hmm ... (embarrassed).
- What a nose!
- Hmm ... (embarrassed).
- And what ears!
- You little fool ... (coquettishly covers her face with an ear).

The patient asks the doctor:
- Doctor, how are my tests?
- I can't please you. Unfortunately, my dear, you will die soon.
- Tell me, how long do I have to live?
- Ten.
- What 10, doctor? Years? Months?
- 9, 8, 7, 6..."

A handyman came to one woman to lay linoleum. Well, he laid it and wanted to smoke after work. The man looks in his pockets - there is no pack.
Then he sees: there is swelling on the linoleum.
- Damn! - the man thinks. - I covered the cigarettes with linoleum.
And I don't want to tear it off. Then the man took a hammer and started beating on that swelling until it leveled off. When he finished, the hostess came in, tossed him a pack of cigarettes, and said:
- I found your cigarettes there. I just can't seem to find my hamster. He is lost somewhere...

One day you will find a crumpled disposable mask in the pocket of an old down jacket. And you will smile nostalgically, adjusting your bulletproof vest.
One day you will find an old body armor. And you will smile nostalgically, turning on the Geiger counter.
One day you will find an old Geiger counter. And you will smile nostalgically, scratching your thorax with your mandible.

The Prime Minister decided to talk to the people before the next price increase he planned.
Getting out of the car, he stopped a well-dressed man without much intelligence on his face:
- Tell me, if we raise prices by 30 percent, how will you live?
- It's nothing, will live as lived.
- So. What if it's 50 percent?
- Nothing, like, I will have enough money.
- Yeah, - the prime minister was delighted, - and if it's 100 percent?
- Well, then, probably, I'll buy a cottage.
- Yeah? May I ask what's your job?
- Undertaker...

From under the operating table:
- Meow!
Surgeon:
- Get out!
From under the table again:
- Meow!
- Go away!
Again:
- Meow!
The surgeon, cutting off something from the patient and throwing it under the table:
- Here, choke on!

The taxi passenger, wanted to ask the driver a question and patted him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed wildly and lost control. The taxi almost crashed into the bus, flew out onto the sidewalk and stopped a centimeter from the shop window. For a moment there was silence in the cab, after which the taxi driver said hoarsely:
- Listen, buddy, don't do that again. I almost screwed up...
The passenger apologized and added that he could not imagine that a light tap on the shoulder would frighten the driver so much.
To which the driver remarked:
- Yes, in general, it's not your fault here ... It's just that today is the first day I work as a taxi driver. And before that, I drove a hearse for 25 years!