Dark Humor Joke

At the boat station on the loudspeaker:
- Boat number 99, something happened to you?
- ... silence ...
- I repeat!!! Boat number 99 something happened to you?
(someone yells back)
- We have only 80 boats here!
- Boat number 66, did something happen to you?

The landlady is renting a room to a new guest.
- The room is good, bright. A chemist lived here before you and was very pleased.
- And this stain on the ceiling - probably the consequences of one of your chemist's unsuccessful experiments?
- No. This is the chemist himself.

The executioner raises the ax over the head of the condemned and asks:
- How do you like it, one piece or sliced?

Give me a mourning ribbon, please.
- Wide or narrow?
- Isn't it all the same?
- Oh no! The closer the deceased was to you, the wider the tape should be.
- Our aunt has died, who has deprived us of any inheritance, so give me a black thread.

- Have you heard what is being done? Swimming in the sea is life-threatening, the sanitary and epidemiological station has closed all the beaches!
- I even like it. Yesterday I swam, beauty, swim alone, no one there...
- Exactly. And tomorrow you won't be there.

The cannibal comes home, and at home his brethren wait for him. They ask:
- What do you like most about your wife?
- Eyes - he answers.
- Damn it! And we left you a leg ...

Mom had a blind son. Since birth, he has not seen a bright sun, no blue sky, no green grass. One evening, mom comes and says to him:
- Son, I got such an ointment! If you put it on your eyes at night, in the morning you will already see everything!
- Is it true, mom? Will I finally see the bright sun, blue sky, and green grass?
- Yes, son, so it will be!
Thank you mom, you are so caring!
In the morning the boy wakes up, goes to the window and takes off the bandage... but he can't see anything.
- Mom, I can't see anything!
- April Fools', son!

One day a wife says to her husband:
- I want fried hare and hurry.
- Okay, - the husband replies. An hour later, the woman was already eating a fried hare. She ate and thought: - "Something is not right here. An hour to go to the forest, you need to find a hare, an hour to go back and another hour to fry the hare. And he did it all so quickly."
She ask her husband:
- How did you manage to get the hare so quickly?
- I went out of the house, and he was sitting on the fence. I shot from a gun, it did not have time even to meow.

A man gets hit by a tram and his head is cut off. She rolls to the side of the road, sees that the body is rushing along the road back and forth, tries to find her head and does not understand what to do.
The head starts screaming
- I'm here! I'm here!
Then it becomes silent and sad like this:
- Ah. I yell and the ears are on me ...