Doctor Jokes – Funny Medical Humor

A nurse is pushing a wheelchair with a patient along the hospital corridor, the patient complainingly asks:
- Or maybe better in the intensive care unit?
The sister angrily replies:
- Patient, do not self-medicate! The doctor said to the morgue, so to the morgue!

Medic, where are we going?
- To the morgue.
- But I'm not dead yet!
- But we haven't arrived yet...

Two patients talk at the hospital:
- What a hospital! When I came here, one doctor said that I had appendicitis, the second - stones in
kidney, the third that I have a heart disease.
- Well, how did it end?
- They cut out my tonsils.

The patient asks the doctor:
- "Doctor, what should be done in case of a snake bite?"
- First you need to find out why she bit you. Maybe you stepped on it. If so, be sure to apologize to her."
- "Doctor, will this help?"
- "At least you will die with a clear conscience."

In the store:
- I would like a box of good sweets, but not very expensive.
- For your girlfriend?
- No, for my doctor.
- To appreciate or to revenge?

Doctor tells his patient:
- I'm having a hard time diagnosing you... It's probably alcoholism.
- Okay, doctor. I'll come when you're sober."