Our Jokes:
Funny Animal Jokes
Jokes About Talking Animals and Human-Like Animal Behavior
Animals are funny on their own — but they become even funnier when they start talking, thinking, and acting like humans. From clever dogs and sarcastic cats to unexpected conversations in the wild, imagination turns animals into perfect comedians. These funny animal jokes bring animals to life with human personalities, creating playful, silly situations that are easy to enjoy for all ages.
The lion issued a decree in the woods to combat drunkenness. Whoever is seen drunk will be eaten. The next day, a lion walks through the forest, and a drunken hare meets him. The lion asks:
- Hare, have you read my decree?
- Well, I read it.
- Why drunk?
- So the decree should be celebrated?
- Well ... Okay, for the first time I forgive.
The next day he again meets a drunken hare.
- Hare, have you read my decree?
- Yeah.
- Why are you drunk again?
- I had to celebrated the decree?
- So you celebrated it yesterday.
- And I need get over a hangover?
- OK. But for the last time...
The next morning, a lion walks through the forest. He looks - in a puddle lies a hare, drunker than vodka.
Lion to him.
- Hare, did you read the decree?
- Ya-es.
- Did I warn you?
- Ya-es.
- That's it, now I'll eat you.
- Wait, lion, for whom did you issue the decree?
- For the animals!
- Well, why the hell are you pestering a fish?
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A monkey runs through the forest and yells: - Crisis, crisis!
She sees a wolf, runs up, - Listen, wolf, there is a crisis in the forest!
Wolf: - Monkey, what crisis, I ate meat the same way I eat meat.
Monkey: - Fie on you wolf.
She runs further, sees a fox, - Fox, a crisis in the forest!
Fox: - What crisis? I walked in a fur coat, and I walk.
Monkey: - Fie on you fox.
Runs on: - crisis, crisis! Wait, stop, well, the crisis, so what? As I ran with a bare ass, I run.
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The end of the Mesozoic era.
Male dinosaur:
- Come on, huh?
Female dinosaur:
- I won't.
- Well, come on?
- Don't even think!
- We will die out!!!
And they died out!
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A pig, a wolf, and a fox fell into a wolf pit.
The fox looks around, thinks:
- Oh pig - food, that's good. Looks in the other direction - the wolf, the bastard will molest, well, to hell with him, there is food, I won't be lost ...
Wolf looking to the side and thinks:
- About the pig, good, food!!! In another corner a fox - even better - have somebody to fuck!!!
The pig looks around, sad, and says:
I understand, I'm doomed, one request before you eat me, let me sing before death.
Wolf says:
- OK, come on, let us have fun before you die!
The pig squealed all over the forest, the hunters heard, ran and shot the wolf and the fox.
The wolf lies, dies and thinks:
- There was a food, there was sex! no, damn it, I WANTED A SHOW!
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