Kids Jokes – Funny Humor About Kids

Little David asks her mother:
- Mom, what kind of fish "manicurist"?
- Where did you get that it's a fish?
- Yes, dad called his friend on the phone and said that he was frying a manicurist all night while fishing yesterday!

Mom just came from the resort. Little Robert tells how much fun he and dad had for the whole month:
- Miss Sophia came to us every evening. She brought me sweets, and dad treated her to wine, and then they did the same thing that you and our neighbour James did when dad went on a business trip.

Father asks Bart:
- Well, son, you are already big, have you already chosen who you want to be when you grow up?
- Yes, dad! I want to be a pool cleaner.
- And that's it?
- No, also a gardener, a plumber, and a pizza delivery man.
The father thought, scratched the back of his head and shouted to his wife:
- Listen, mother! Looks like he found that videotape...

One day little Johnny asks his mother:
- Mom, how did I come into the world?
- Well, son, me and your dad took a glass. He spat, I spat, put on the window, and the next morning you appeared.
The next day at school:
- Amelia, spit in the glass.
- What are you up to, John?
- Well, just spit.
She spits.
Little Johnny also spat and put the glass on the window in his room. A cockroach fell into a glass at night.
In the morning Johnny with a glass comes up to his mother:
- Mom, can you please crush your grandson - my hand does not rise against my son.

Dad asks the children:
- Who ate the apple?
Peter: I don't know!
- And do you want another one?
- I do!

Little girl tells his dad in the street:
- Dad, look what a bald uncle!
- Speak quieter, son, otherwise he will hear.
- You think he doesn't know?

Peter, you are already six years old, and I have to tell you where children come from.
- Oh no... At the age of three, I learned that there are no ghosts and zombies, at five - that Santa Claus does not exist. If now it turns out that adults do not have sex, then what is left to believe in?!

The postman brings a registered letter and rings the doorbell. The door is opened by a boy of about eight, puffing a hefty Havana cigar. The postman squeezes out in amazement:
- Uh... are your parents at home?
The boy casually shakes the ashes from his cigar onto the carpet, winks and replies:
- What do you think?

Little Johnnie has been asking his father for a week to take him to the zoo, but his father says he is busy and keeps promising to do it sometime later. Finally, his wife says to him:
- Well, when do you finally take your son to the zoo? He was also asked to write an essay about animals.
Nothing to do - the dad had to take his sone to the zoo.
The next day, the teacher asks Johnnie:
- Johnnie, I don't understand one sentence in your essay: "My dad was very happy when at the zoo the horse he bet 30 to one came first".

Daddy, where do baby elephants come from?
- You see, James...
- Don't tell me about the stork. The stork just won't pick it up.