Funny Money Jokes and Rich People Humor

Bank employees are talking in a pub:
- I understand, - says one, - why the thief took money and jewelry from the safe. But I can't understand why he took the director's wife as well.
- Why? - answers the other. - It's simple, so that the director does not look for him.

The broker is in a fever. The doctor tells him: Your temperature is 37.5!
An hour later: "Already 38."
An hour later: "38 and a half."
Broker (barely moving his lips): "When it will be 41.2 - sell!"

- I know the most favorite position for women!!!!
- Which one??
- Listen carefully: a woman standing and bending over chooses a ring from Tiffany and Co. ... a man behind ... prepares a wallet.

The son asks his businessman father:
- Dad, do you have anything to read from science fiction or mysticism?
- Yes, that would be my accountant's tax report.

- Daughter, take these pies to your grandmother.
- Okay, mommy.
- Remember, daughter, with potatoes for five, with meat for seven. And do not give in, no matter how much she complains about you with a small pension!
- Okay, mommy. But for shipping, please pay in advance!

One woman's husband is leaving on a business trip. A few days later, a friend of her husband comes to her and says:
- I like you for a long time. Let me hug you, for this I will give you 50 dollars.
Seduced by easy money, she agrees. Then he says:
- Let me kiss you. For this I will give another 100 dollars.
She agrees again. And he says to her again:
- Allow me to spend the night with you, for this I will give you 200 dollars.
A week later, the husband arrives and, washing himself in the bathroom, shouts to his wife:
- Olivia, I asked my friend to get a salary for me and give it to you. Did he fulfill my request?

A gentleman in his sixties stops his Rolls-Royce to give a ride to a girl who was hitchhiking on the road. As soon as they drove off, the girl took a decisive step. With a quick movement, she pulled off her panties and said:
- The windows of the car are fogged up. Let me clean them.

A young millionaire is madly in love and wants to get married. One day he says to his chosen one:
- What do you think about us spending my money together?
- Dear, I agree.
- I want to say that we will need all our lives to spend my riches.
- Oh, don't worry, dear. I don't think it will take that long!

Two friends meet who have not seen each other for several decades.
The first one asks:
- How are you doing?
- Excellent, there is a cottage, and a car, and an apartment - in short, everything you need.
- And how did you manage to achieve all this?
- Yes, I own one three-story brothel: on the first floor there are prostitutes from 18 to 25 years old, on the second - from 25 to 45 years old, and on the third - gays.
- You're lucky!
- Don't tell me. If you knew how hard it all got to me, because at first I had very big strains with money, so I had to send my daughter to the first floor, my wife to the second, and myself to go to the third ...

The student of the seminary fell in love with the daughter of a rich man. He decided to get married. The groom came to talk with the father of the bride.
- Do you know that my daughter is used to not denying herself anything? She buys fur coats and jewelry every other day. Can you provide it for her?
- God will help me!
- And she also changes expensive cars several times a year.
- God will help me!
- She still often travels abroad, on vacation, for shopping ...
- God will help me!
Later, the daughter asks:
- Dad, did you like my fiancé?
- He, of course, is a complete zero, but it's nice that he calls me God...