Funny Money Jokes and Rich People Humor

- Does your bank give loans on verbal promise?
- No problem...
- What if I don't return the money?
- You will be ashamed before the Almighty when you appear in front of him.
- When will it be...
- Now, if you don't return by the fifth, you will appear before him on the sixth.

Guys, please make me a CEO of Facebook, Tesla, or Apple. I will pay off my mortgage and that's it, I will quit on my own, I promise. I calculated everything; to close the mortgage in this position it will take me just 17 seconds.

Two stock traders talk to each other:
- This is wonderful! You came to the market only six months ago, and you already have a million dollars. How did you achieve this?
- Well, the answer is very simple. I started with two million...

Going up to the window of the bank, a tastelessly dressed young man addresses the teller:
- Listen, cow, I want to open an account here.
- How dare you? - the woman shook with indignation.
- Whore, didn't you hear! - I want to open an account.
The teller jumped up from her chair and soon returned with the bank manager.
- What happened?- the manager asked.
- Nothing, - the man replied. - Here I won a million in the lottery, and this cow...
- I get it, - said the manager and turned to the cashier:
- You, cow, do what a respected client orders, and quickly!

- I heard you got rich. How did you do it?
- Very simple. I transported tourists to and from the island. I charged 20 bucks to go there.
- Well, that's not a lot.
- Yes, but I charged 3 times that to go back.

The American billionaire, groaning, clutches his heart and anxiously says to his assistant:
- Roger, quickly buy some decent hospital. I think I'm having a heart attack.

Friends meet, started talking:
- They say you now have your own commercial business. Which one exactly?
- I am engaged in trade of a female lingerie.
- So how is it? Are you successful?
- Quite. My wife still has a few things left. And the mother-in-law sits at home already almost naked.