Our Jokes:
Office Jokes
Funny Workplace Humor About Bosses, Coworkers, and 9-to-5 Job
Office life comes with deadlines, meetings, awkward conversations, and the daily grind of the 9-to-5.
These office jokes capture the humor hidden in workplace relationships — from bosses and coworkers to emails, meetings, and office politics. Relatable, clever, and sometimes painfully accurate, this collection of workplace humor is perfect for anyone who’s ever survived a long meeting, questionable management decisions, or another “quick call” that wasn’t quick at all.
A man comes to the company to get a job. They ask him:
- How many languages do you know?
- Three.
- And which ones?
- English, French, and Spanish.
- Well, say something in Spanish.
- Gutten tag.
- It's German!
- Well, that means four.
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The management of a large bank received a signal that things are very bad in one of the bank's branches. Operations are almost not performed, activity is close to zero. The auditor went to check this matter.
The auditor comes to this branch at the height of the working day. He goes inside, no one is there. Only from the director's office are voices heard:
- ... he could well removed the clubs...
-... he removed the clubs, well, but the spades remained ...
- ... two, of course, we will give him ...
- ... two, this is the minimum ....
The auditor looks into this office and wows - the director of the department and 3 clerks are playing cards. So, thinks the auditor, now I will show them.
He returns to the operating room and presses the alarm button. The siren starts to howl. The auditor releases the button, the siren subsides, and from the office is heard:
- ... first, calmly take away the club ...
- ... and the move from whom?
Again the inspector presses the button. And again after the siren:
- ... and now we cut through the hearts...
- ... he definitely doesn't have clubs...
The inspector thinks, - "No, I will get you." He presses the button a third time. A waiter from the pub from across the street enters the door from the street, carries 4 beers:
- Yes, I hear, I hear, I am bringing the beers ...
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A worker asks his boss:
What is criticism from above and what is criticism from below?
- I will be better if l show it to you. He himself stood on the balcony, and ordered the worker to stand below. Then he spat and got the worker on the head:
- This is criticism from above, and now you spit!
The worker spat and got himself on the head.
The boss: - And this is criticism from below!
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology:
- And what starting salary are you looking for?
- In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.
- Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?
The engineer sits up straight and says:
- Wow! Are you kidding?
The interviewer replies:
- Yeah, but you started it.
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There was once a sales manager. He went to search for a job, sent resumes and all. Finally he gets an interview at a company with the CEO. They had the interview for 6 hours straight. The CEO is all sweaty, the sales manager asked for water tree times, but they still couldn't come to an agreement.
They started with $200 dollars a week and now they are up to $2,500. Then there is commission, and bonuses, and gym membership, company mobile, lunches with clients, insurance, vacations, travel allowances, a company car, a laptop, the sales manager knocked out a bunch of everything. As a result, the general director surrendered, he fulfilled all the conditions. Everything the manager asked for, he gave.
The manager started to work, and in the first month he tripled sales, then tenfold, then a hundred times, then he sold everything in the office, including furniture, stationery, a secretary - to the sauna, a customer database - to competitors, and the boss himself - to the tax agency.
Because it was, damn, a very good sales manager.
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Why did you leave your previous job?
- Due to tiredness.
- What kind of tiredness?
- I do not know. They just told me that everyone was very tired of me ...
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Company boss tell his secretary:
- You're fired!
- Why, boss? I respect and love you.
- During respect, you gave me something that I managed to share with my wife!
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A young man, in love with a pretty secretary, was having a flirtatious conversation with her, when suddenly the company owner entered the office.
- So, where did we stop? - the young man asked with a businesslike tone.
The girl did not notice the arrival of the owner.
- You spoke of our future, dear, - she replied, - Of our house, of the comfort of the living room by the firelight, and how you would like to beat our old monkey's face.
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The director of the factory, checking the printed report, asks the secretary how many zeros million has.
- Six zeros, - the secretary says.
- And half a million?
- Three, - she answers.
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- Who told you, - the boss yells at the secretary, - that if I kissed you a couple of times and patted your ass, this gives you the right to skimp on official duties and do nothing at work?
- My lawyer, sir, - smiles the secretary.
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