Pet Jokes

The man was tortured by cockroaches. A friend suggested to him a way to get rid of them:
- Before going to bed, go through all the corners and say: "There is nothing to eat, there is nothing to eat." They will hear that there is nothing to eat, and leave.
The man did just that. Went to sleep. And suddenly, in the middle of the night, someone pushes him. He turns on the light and sees: all the cockroaches are standing by his bed, and the biggest one says to him:
- Get up, master! We brought you something to eat!

The guest says to the hostess anxiously:
- Your dog is looking at me unkindly.
- Ignore him, he always looks like that at those who eat from his bowl.

After walking the dog, the man returns home:
- I don't know what happened to Max, - he tells his wife. - All the way back he was trying to get off the leash and was whining, as if he wanted to say something.
The wife goes out into the hallway, looks at the dog and says:
- He wanted to tell you that he is someone else's dog.

One females comes to her female neighbor and sees a parrot is sitting in a cage, and a thread is tied to each paw.
- And why, - he asks, - did you tie strings to him?
- Oh, this is not an ordinary parrot. He is so educated and intelligent! Pull one string, he will say: "Guten Tag!"; pull the other one, say: "Bonjour!"
She asks:
- And if you pull both at once?
Parrot:
- Stupid bitch, I'm gonna fall!

Conversation in the pet store:
- Do you have a little, little shark?
- And for what?
- I want to teach my cat a lesson: today he again ate all the fish in the aquarium.

At the bird market:
- Oh, who is it with us - a tomcats or a molly?
- What, can't you see by the ears?
- No.
- It's a rabbit!

In the pet store, a boy looks at a turtle:
- Tell me, - he asks the seller, - how much does it cost?
- 20 dollars.
- And without a case?

Two dogs are walking past a grocery store. One says:
- Let's go? Steal the meat...
- Can't you see - it says: "No dogs allowed"!
- You fool, who knows that we are literate?

Aren't you ashamed to walk your dog without a muzzle?
- Yes, I feel sorry for her, she is sick, she will die soon, let her be at least a little happy.
- And what is she so sick with?
- Rabies.

The bugs in apartment really got to the man's nerves. One day he returns home from work drunk and angry. He looked at the sofa, banged his fist on the table:
- Go to hell from here!
The bugs are frightened, in a chain they go out the door. Only behind the smallest constantly looks back. The man already sobered up from such a picture and suddenly he starts to laugh. The smallest bug, joyfully:
- Guys! Let's go back, he was joking!