Programmer Jokes

Morning. A gloomy as a cloud programmer enters the kitchen with the noble goal of refreshing himself after a sleepless night spent at his own computer. After some time, his wife appears in the kitchen, and, noticing, to put it mildly, her husband's bad mood, she asks:
- What, David, the program did not work?
- Woked! ..
- Maybe it worked wrong?
- Yes, it worked just right! ..
- David, why are you so gloomy then?
- I took a nap on the backspace!!!

The work of a programmer and a shaman has much in common - both mutter incomprehensible words, perform incomprehensible actions and cannot explain how it works.

Programmer at the doctor:
- Doctor, I'm sick. I can't take my eyes off the computer. I spend 18 hours a day in front of the monitor!
- Hopeless cases do not happen, we will treat.
- How???
- It is clear how - with alcohol, cigarettes, and hookers!

A programmer after a hard day's work climbs into the refrigerator, takes out a pack of butter, reads on the wrapper: "Butter. 72%". A quick thought in head: "Oh! It will load soon!"
Returns the butter to the refrigerator.
Closes the door.

A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty.
An optimist believes that the glass is half full.
The programmer believes that the glass is twice as large as it should be.

The farther took his son to their little farm outside of the city - to teach him to work. He instructed him to weed the beds with onions and gave the instruction: "Pull out everything except the onions!" The boy took the instruction literally and pulled out the currant bush that grew at the beginning of the beds.
- But it's not an onion, - the sone later justified himself.
- The programmer is growing, - the farther thought.