Psychiatrist Jokes – Funny Mental Health Humor

The loser comes to the psychiatrist:
- Doctor, things have started to improve for me! Today I dropped a sandwich and it fell butter side up!
The doctor takes a sandwich from the patient's hands, studies it for a long time and says:
- No, my friend, you just smeared it on the wrong side.

"Businessman to a psychiatrist:
- Doctor, remember last summer you advised: to get distracted from work, I need to have fun with girls?
- Yes.
- So advise how I can now take my mind off the girls and get back to work!

The psychiatrist speaks to the patient:
- So you're saying that you came to me because your relatives are worried about your love of woolen socks?
- Yes that's right.
- But it's completely normal. Many people prefer wool socks over nylon ones. I also love wool socks.
- Are you saying the truth? How do you love them? With oil and vinegar or just with lemon?

A woman complains to a psychiatrist:
"My husband is acting very strange. After drinking coffee, he eats a porcelain cup, leaving only the handle."
"It's really strange, indeed" - the doctor says, - "because the handle is the tastiest part."

A patient with delirium tremens came to the doctor.
- Doctor, help me, some little crocodiles are crawling all over me (shakes them off).
Doctor (jumping away):
- Stop throwing them at me!

Morning in the family of Sigmund Freud. The growing daughter comes out of the bedroom and says:
- Dad, today I dreamed of a big fat banana! What does it mean?
Freud:
- Daughter, sometimes dreaming of a banana means only a banana and nothing more ...

At the appointment with a psychotherapist:
Doctor, everyone is ignoring me.
- Next!

A pilot, a stewardess and a group of mentally ill people are flying in an airplane. The stewardess brought everyone a bottle of Coca-Cola. Five minutes later she comes back, sees that there is no one, only one sobbing psycho.
- Where did everyone go? she asks.
- Everyone left to hand over the bottles for recycling, and mine has a broken bottleneck!

Nelson was mortally afraid of thunder. Desperate, he went to the famous psychiatrist.
- Well, it's funny! the doctor laughed. - Thunder is the same natural phenomenon as many others. Therefore, there is nothing to be afraid of him. As soon as you hear thunder, do what I do - get under the bed and you'll be fine.

Doctor, how can I treat my husband? - a visitor asks the psychiatrist.
- Madame, he is absolutely healthy.
- But yesterday he ran home and shouted that all the dogs were walking down the street with open umbrellas!
- Don't you remember how hard it rained yesterday?