Smart & Clever Jokes That Make You Laugh and Think

There are three kinds of love.
Student's: there is what to do it, there is with someone, but there is place.
Impotent's: there is with whom, there is where, but there is nothing to do it with.
Philosophical: there is what to do it with, there is with whom, there is where, but - why?!

Modern Wisdom:
The pessimist sees the tunnel. An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a train coming out of this tunnel. And the train driver sees three idiots who are standing on the rails.

Man is the only form of manifestation of the intelligence known to science, which consists in the ability to act stupid.

- Tell me, does alcohol dissolve sugar?
- Oh yes, - answered the old drunkard. - It also dissolves gold, stone houses, horses, happiness, love, and in general everything that is valued by people.

Do not believe in three things:
- The oath of a drug addict
- Tears of a prostitute...
And a minute before the end of the wash on the dial of the washing machine.

A man is riding in a bus.
Behind him is a guardian angel with a notebook and a pen. He writes: "Stupid people around, the boss is a nerd, his wife is a bitch." And, in turn, he thinks: "It seems to have already happened. And why does he request this all the time? But once he orders - it is necessary to fulfill."

Man stands before the Lord.
- Lord, be merciful, reveal to me what is the meaning of my life?
- Do you remember how ten years ago you were sent to a business trip to Denver?
- I remember.
- Do you remember how you almost missed the train?
- Still would!
- Do you remember your fellow travelers?
- It's vague. I think two men were in the compartment with me.
- Do you remember how you went to the dining car?
- Probably I did.
- And how the girl sat down at the table with you?
- Yes, it seems...
- She asked you to pass salt...
- Well?
- Well, here it is!

A very old man came to the priest and asked:
- Tell me, father, can it be that I turned out to be the father of the child that my 18-year-old wife gave birth to the last week. But I'm already almost seventy ... Maybe this is a miracle created by God?
- I will tell you a story now, said the priest. - I was once in the desert and suddenly I saw a lion rushing towards me. I raised my cane like a rifle, took aim and, when the lion was very close, shouted: "PUF!" The lion fell dead...
- I understand, it was the work of God's hands!
- Not exactly: behind me was a hunter with a real gun.

Mayazuko was sipping his favorite tea one day when his student came to see him.
- Mayazuko, how is life different from existence?
- Now I'll explain. Please bring me my teapot and two cups.
The student brought him what he asked for.
- Now pour the same amount of tea into both cups, but put sugar in one and no sugar in the other.
The student did so and Mayazuko drank both cups.
- Bring another teapot and pour two more cups of tea into it. Make one cup with cold tea, the other hot.
The student did so and Mayazuko drank both cups again.
- Bring another teapot, pour two more cups of tea. Put strawberries in one, currants in the other.
The student did so and Mayazuko drank both cups again.
- Now I've had enough of fucking tea, - Mayazuko said.

God asks the man:
- What kind of wife do you want: ugly, but faithful? Or beautiful, but of "easy
behavior"?
The man thought and thought and answered:
- Let it be beautiful and let her be a bit unfaithful ...
- But how is it. Why? - God was surprised.
- Well, I thought: it's better to eat a delicious cake together than to choke on shit alone ....