Smart & Clever Jokes That Make You Laugh and Think

Once people asked the Lord a question....
- Why is there so much injustice, lies, death, debauchery, violence and wars on this earth?
God, in turn, looked at the people in surprise and asked them a question:
- So you don't like it all, do you?
- Of course not, God! - people shouted.
Then God shrugged his shoulders and answered:
- Well, don't do it!

A black man lies under a palm tree and waits for a banana to fall on him, and when it falls, he will eat it. A white man walks nearby and says to the black:
- Listen, why are you lying here under a tree and waiting for bananas? Take a stick, knock down a few pieces, go to the market and sell them...
- Well, what's next?
- Don't you see!? If you get money, you will hire a dozen more men like you, who will knock bananas from palm trees, and you will only have to sell them ...
- Well, what's next?
- What are you, stupid or something!?!! You will have even more money - hire a hundred workers, plant a thousand palm trees and you will have a huge banana plantation.
- Well, what's next?
- Well, you're an idiot! You will have a lot of money, you don't need to work yourself - lie down and eat bananas!
- Well, you are stupid, white! This is what I'm doing right now...

A young man is hopelessly in love. He suffers because she does not love him.
He sits on the bank of the river and turns to God, and God suddenly responds.
- Why are you sad, my son?
- Yes, I love my Olivia. I suffer. And she pays no attention to me. And I have no life without her. I am about to drown myself.
- How can I help you, my son?
- Make me a little prettier. Maybe she likes me that way?
- OK. Ask.
- Give me a nose like Aristotle's, otherwise mine is some kind of snub-nosed and ugly.
- Good. Done.
- And make the lips more plump, the chin is a little more manly. She loves this one.
- Done.
- Make me higher. I want to be tall and slim. She likes those.
- Done.
- And more muscles everywhere. Like I'm an athlete. Olivia will be delighted.
- Done.
- Can you give me a car? Porsche 999? Her favorite car.
- Done. What else?
- Well ... (he hesitated) I would like to have a little more brains. To solve crossword puzzles together.
- Brains are good. Done.
The guy examined himself from all sides, looked at the car and shouted "Hey!" and ran to the car.
God:
- Stop. Where are you, my son? She's still at work.
- Who? Olivia? Screw her, why the hell do I need her. Can't I find a normal woman with such a car and body?!
- Oh! - God sighed. - We should have started with his brains right away.

The wife of a poor man cooked butter, and he sold it to one of the groceries. The wife cooked butter in the form of circles weighing a kilogram. And he sold them to the grocer and bought the necessary things for his house.

One day, the grocer had doubts about the weight of the butter he was buying and, weighing each circle, saw that they weighed 900 grams. He got angry with the poor man. The next day, when the poor man came to him, he met him in anger and said to him:
- I will not buy from you anymore, because you sell me butter, saying that it weighs a kilogram, and it weighs only 900 grams.

Then the poor man, upset and lowering his head, said:
- O my lord, we do not have scales, but I bought sugar from you and used it as a weight measure in order to weigh oil with it.

A rich man, after 50 years of marriage, once looked at his wife and said:
- 50 years ago we had a small house, an old car, we slept on the couch and watched a small black-and-white TV, but every night I went to bed with a beautiful 19-year-old girl.
Now I have a huge expensive house, a lot of expensive cars, a huge bed in a luxurious bedroom, a wide-screen color TV, but I share a bed with a 69-year-old woman. I'm starting to doubt my marriage.
His wife suggested:
-You can find yourself a 19-year-old girl, and I will make sure that you live again in a small house, sleep on a sagging sofa, and watch black-and-white TV.

Once upon a time, an old Indian told his grandson one vital truth.
- Inside each person there is a struggle, very similar to the struggle of two wolves. One wolf represents evil - envy, jealousy, regret, selfishness, ambition, lies ... The other wolf represents goodness - peace, love, hope, courtesy, truth, kindness, loyalty ...
The little Indian, touched to the depths of his soul by the words of his grandfather, thought for a few moments, and then asked:
- Which wolf wins at the end?
The face of the old Indian was touched by a barely perceptible smile, and he answered:
- The wolf you feed always wins.

A man with a dog was walking along a long, wild, tiring road. He was walking for a long time, he was tired, the dog was tired too. Suddenly, in front of him was an oasis!
Beautiful gates, behind the fence - music, flowers, the murmur of a stream, in a word, rest.
- What it is? the traveler asked the porter.
- This is heaven, you have already died, and now you can enter and rest for real.
- Is there water there?
- As much as you like: clean fountains, cool pools...
- Will they give you food?
- Whatever you want.
- But I have a dog with me.
- I'm sorry, sir, dogs are not allowed. It must be left here.

And the traveler went by .. After a while the road led him to the farm. The porter also sat at the gate.
- I'm thirsty, - the traveler asked.
- Come in, there is a well in the yard.
- And my dog?
- Near the well you will see a drinking bowl.
- What about food?
- I can take you to dinner.
- And the dog?
- There is a bone.
- What is this place?
- It is heaven.
- How so? The porter at the palace nearby told me that heaven was there.
- He's lying. There is hell.
- How do you, in paradise, endure this?
- It is very useful for us. Only those who do not abandon their friends reach heaven."

A man went to hang himself. An archangel descends to him and asks:
- Man, why are you hanging yourself, isn't it good to drink beer?
- Good!
- Isn't it good to go fishing?
- Good!
- Is it not good to have fun with girls?
- Okay, but what's the point, what's the sense of all of this?
- Ah, you still need sense! Well, then go hang yourself!

Grandfather is dying. He calls his sons and says:
- Children, before I die, I want to give you one piece of advice. Bring a broom.
Children bring a broom to their father.
- Take it apart into individual rods and try to break them.
The children dismantled the broom and easily broke the rods.
- And now - says the father - collect the rods and try to break them when they are together.
Children easily broke the broom.
And then the father says to them:
- Oh, fuck you! Such a clever idea was trashed, bastards!
And died.

- Master, explain to me what Zen is.
- Black clouds covered the moon. Understood?
- No.
- Go wander for eight years.
The student left, came eight years later.
- Teacher, explain to me what Zen is.
- Black clouds covered the moon. Understood?
- Well, yes.
- What did you understand?
- Well, clouds are evil. The moon is...
- You didn't understand anything. Go wander for eight years.
The student left, came back eight years later.
- Teacher, explain to me what Zen is.
- Black clouds covered the moon. Understood?
- Understood.
- What did you understand?
- Black clouds covered the moon.
- Well done.