University Jokes

Student and his girlfriend are walking in the park.
- Do you smell the delicious steak smell from that restaurant? - the girl asks.
- Let's get closer, - the student offers generously, - so you can sniff your fill.

Two friends meet after finishing school:
- Where did you go to study?
- To medical university.
- Excellent! And I'm in the vet. When we learn, we can treat each other.

At night in a student dormitory, in a room for 4 people, a terrible screaming is heard:
- Oh, I will not make it!
Three people wake up and see that their fourth friend is sitting on the bed with his eyes closed, making such movements with his hands as if winding up a clothesline and squealing and screaming.
They woke him up and asked about the reasons for this strange behavior. He looked out the window and spoke calmly.
- I had a dream that I see in the house across the street, on the fifth floor in an open window, a beautiful girl undressing for the night. I look at her and feel like my penis arouse. Then it began to grow. He grew to the window, climbed over, went down, crawled across the road, climbed the wall to the fifth floor, climbed over the window sill and moved on. I feel like I am about to get her...
Suddenly I hear a ring. I looked out the window and saw that the tram was going along the road.

On the exam:
- What is the name of the device for measuring voltage?
Student - looking at the cheat sheet.
- Voltmeter.
- Correct. What is the name of the device for measuring current?
A student tries to look into a cheat sheet, and a teacher claps his hand.
- Eee...Well.....It's....A curenmeter!
The teacher tries to look in his cheat sheet, and the student - clap on his hand.
- Hm. Correct!

It's raining outside, and a first-year female student decides to drop in on her friend, chat. After talking with her for half an hour, he asks:
- Well, what are we going to do in this weather?
- I have an idea, - she says. - Get a coin, and we'll play heads and tails. If it comes up heads, we will do what I want, and if it comes up tails, we will do whatever you want. Start to toss the coin, and in the meantime I'll prepare the bed...

Student taking a German language exam. Examiner:
- Make a sentence in German: "A frog jumps in a swamp".
Student:
- Einen Moment! Der frog in the swamp der slap, der slap, der slap!

The exam, the student is failing irrevocably. There is a crowd outside the door and thinks how to help her out.
Finally, a guy bursts into the audience and shouts:
- Olivia, your son was born!
Well, the teacher, of course, congratulates her and puts a a good mark.

During the exams, the professor asks the student:
- Why are you so worried? Are you afraid of my questions?
- Oh, no, professor! I'm afraid of my answers.

Medical Institute. The beginning of the lecture. The teacher comes in.
- Before the lecture, I would like to tell you a story. Somehow, in my youth, I went to a disco with a friend. And there we both liked one pretty girl. But she preferred my friend to me and left the disco with him. That's how I was left with nothing. And my friend was left without a nose. Write down the topic of the lecture: "Syphilis and its consequences".

The cannibal is dragging someone home for dinner. His friend is coming towards:
- Who are you dragging to yourself?
- A student.
- Whom, student? Throw him out! Yesterday I cooked one student, so while the water was boiling, he ate all the potatoes!